QUESTION: I have been fighting all urges to cross the line with a guy I met two years ago. He is 28 and I am 31, when we met in class we carried on a conversation for a good while, but he was more on my level (maturity) than most guys I know his age. Anyway, he finally convinced me to let down my guard and go out with him, and I watched him sing at a karaoke bar, and the fact that he brought his younger brother who is somewhat mentally challenged along, touched my heart even more. After our outing we dropped his brother off, and spent some quality time together, and one thing led to another and well we had our first sexual encounter. He states that he "I definitely had a good time" but he hasn't contacted me that often since, should I be alarmed....move on......I don't want to be one of those clingy girls. We before the encounter only contacted each other once or twice a week, and he has said he loved me before, I just don't know what to think about his lack of contact. Should I be making a big deal out of it?
So into him
CHUCK: I'll cut to the chase here: Don't be alarmed. But move on. You haven't said how often you have been contacting him since Karaoke Night, but apparently he is not contacting you like you want him to. The simple answer is that he got what wanted out of your relationship, and isn't interested in any more contact. It may be more complicated than that, but it doesn't need to be.
He got to know you a little bit over the past few years, and had come to realize that, perhaps you were a little guarded. Therefore, a challenge. I don't want to suggest that he included him mentally challenged brother in your evening to intentionally tug on your heartstrings and loosen your panties, but some people are capable of anything. You had sex with him that night, and, for him, the challenge ended. The oldest story.
I could suggest that you track him down, make him tell you that he wasn't serious about you, that the I love you stuff he was running was just part of his game, but, really, you shouldn't lower yourself. You're better than that. You know the score. Forget this guy, and keep it moving. I just hope that this doesn't spoil Karaoke for you forever.
GARLAND: Thanks for your question.
I'm a little bit lost on the timelines of your question. I'm assuming that you've known each other for two years and only recently went out on your first date. Okay - I'll assume that. But um... what the heck have you two been doing for the last oh... 23 months?!?!
So, you said that he stated that "He loves you [before]" but since you've gone out on one DATE with him and his brother I've got to question this so-called "love" he claims to have for you. Is it LOVE like a guy might have for his sister, is it LOVE like a guy has for a great platonic friend, or is it LOVE like a guy might have when he's trying to bullsh*t his way into a woman's bed? Who knows?
The whole mentally challenged brother idea is cute, he's brother is probably great and they probably love each other to death, but I've got to kinda' stick my finger in the back of my throat for that one. That was a sappy move and I'm worried that it was strictly a cheap play to earn some grade "A" brownie points with you. In my book... keep in mind that I said, "IN MY BOOK" my first date with a woman should be about trying to show off your best and present yourself as charming, interesting and worthy of a second date. When guys bring someone or something extra along - LOOK OUT! Now what I'm about to say is not a knock on his brother - I would NEVER disparage anyone that is mentally challenged, but I don't like the fact that he brought him along on your first date. That gives me a bad feeling, either this guy was very insecure and needed to have some insurance that you'd like him, or he just wanted to pull a little slight-of-hand move to speed you to the next level. I've seen guys do this before to simply hide the fact that they don't have a lot of substance.
Okay - I'm going to leave that date issue alone. I think it's pretty low for him to sleep with you, and then not call you back. First date sex is not a crime and it is not always the guy being a dirty dealer, sometimes two consenting adults just want to jump each others bones. But I think he needs to at least be decent about it. A call won't kill most people. I thinks it's a little low-brow of him. Maybe it's a good thing though, you need two WILLING people to have a successful relationship and I suggest that you not make a big deal out of it. To quote my homeboy Chuck - "you got off light." You didn't have any money tied up in this guy, you don't have any kids with him, he didn't mess up your credit score. I'm sure he's not a bad guy, but I think he's not as interested as you might like. He's showed you his cards and you know what he's about. You will survive! Our best to you-