A question for the brothers:
Michael and I had been dating exclusively for 10 months when Valentine's Day rolled around. For my birthday in October, he gave me a laptop computer; at Christmas, he gave me a 42" plasma TV (that was actually for his pleasure, I told him I didn't want a TV). We were talking after I got off work on Valentine's Day when he asked if I had received anything at work. When I said no, he indicated that he had spent $150 for some flowers. The next day, after "following up", he said he had sent the flowers to the wrong address. Now, here's the rub. He never said another word about it after that. Not "I'm sorry sweetie", not "I'll make it up to you", heck, he never even wished me a happy VD. I believe he was lying about sending the flowers. What do you think accounts for his behavior?
GARLAND: Thanks for your question.
It's been over a month and you are still angry because Michael hasn't wished you a happy Valentine's Day. Let me just tell you, in my opinion, that there is no "behavior" to account for. By your own admission, he bought you a laptop (about $800) and he bought you a 42 inch plasma (about $950) on the other requisite holidays, and when you don't get some flowers on Valetine's, suddenly in your eyes, your boyfriend is trippin'.
Chuck and I do our best not to "side" with anyone when we answer questions, and I'm not "siding" with your boyfriend, but I am going to call this just how I see it: More than likely, your boyfriend isn't lying or playing games or anything else sinister. His $150 flowers never made it to you and he's probably pissed off to the highest of pisstivity. Even saying the term "Happy Valentine's Day" probably rubs his nerves raw. So you may want to stop waiting for that to happen. You're boyfriend is probably still trying like hell to get that $150 put back in his bank account, and he will probably never see that money again, and you're mad that he didn't wish you a "Happy Fake-holiday-commercially-driven-dump-guilt-on-husbands-and-boyfriends-and-give-me-jewelry-tines Day"
A little tip when it comes to men and dating in general - past performance is the best indicator of future performance. If your man has 30 or 40 ex-girlfriends, chances are good that you'll be an ex very soon, If your man lies to you early on, chances are good that he'll lie to you more in the future, if your man buys you expensive gifts on holidays, chances are he'll do it more often. So, based on what YOU said, I can't figure out where all this doubt is coming from. You even put 'following up' in quotes to clearly indicate that you don't believe what he said. If you are this quick to toss your man under the bus when you don't get flowers on the busiest flower day of the year and suddenly now your man has no credibility - you are going to be miserable in this relationship.
Let me share just one bit of insight here. To you, you didn't get another gift or some kind words to your satisfaction. He tried to do something nice for you and may have lost $150 in the process - I guarantee that that florist is giving him a hard time when it comes to getting his money back. So right now, the last thing your boyfriend is thinking about is saying, "Happy Valetine's Day Sweetie!" He is thinking about his $150!
Do you know how men see 150 dollars? Like this:
- A pair of LeBron James' Nike shoes
- 2 custom made dress shirts
- 7 brand new DVD movies
- A month's worth of gas
- 5 new pairs of cufflinks
- A pair of Hugo Boss dress shoes
- 3 new Xbox 360 games
- 2 good lapdances (with tip)
- 6 bad lapdances (with tip)
- A whole night of poker at a casino
- 4 very nice silk ties
- A real nice DVD player
- A pair of jeans and a Barry Sanders throwback jersey
- 5 retro baseball caps
- A detailed cleaning of his truck...
CHUCK: Okay, Garland let you have it. And I'm... gonna let you have it. No, just kidding. But I do agree with most of what he said. About the six bad lapdances, I can only guess.
Let's see: $150 worth of flowers, delivered to the incorrect address that Michael provided. If those flowers were delivered, the chance that he could recover a full refund for those flowers is pretty slim.Whoops. Do I think it's a little strange that he didn't mention it again, even just to bitch about the florist's inflexible refund policy? I guess. Do I find it rude that he never said "Happy Valentine's," to you? Again, I guess, but given the colliding factors of frustration and embarrassment involved here, I can see it happening. Do I believe that it's unusual that you're still obsessing over this? Pretty much.
Let's examine your reaction for a minute. Has Michael ever given you cause to doubt his veracity? You haven't said. So why the knee-jerk jump to distrust? There's a possibility that he might have fabricated the flower story. Because, let's face it: the pressure is on men to "put out" on Valentine's Day. By that, I mean, prove their affection with money. And you were obviously looking for something attention-getting.Maybe he didn't want to disappoint you by saying that he couldn't afford a big gift, or he'd overspent on the past gifts he got you. So he made up this story, and disappointed you anyway.
Either way, since this is apparently bothering you, meet the issue head on. Ask him, "So what ever happened with those flowers." Gauge from his response whether he's telling the truth. But before you do that, think about how important this whole issue is to you. I understand, if he lies to you about this, what else will he lie about in the future? But this seems like a clear case to me of looking for problems where there might not be any.