We're Not That Guy

Your blog is one of my personal favorites, and you guys are very informative - so I have a question for you.

QUESTION: I am always curious about guys. Having always worked with and for mostly men, and having mostly men as friends and just getting along with them well as people, and even dating one or two :) I find men endlessly fascinating. As such how their minds work is intriguing, I saw this item that a friend sent.

http://www.flyguychronicles.com/2009/11/7-things-your-woman-hates-about-you/

I am curious about the following:

Annoyance #2: You focus on what we spend, but not what you spend. You ask how much our new haircut or handbag costs … yet conveniently don’t mention your sportsbook.com account or the $200 you lost on the NCAA parlay. Until we’re sharing a bank account with you, we’re not all that interested in your opinions on how we should or should not spend our money. And if we are sharing a bank account, here’s something you should know: Reminding us when we’re in the throes of post-retail bliss that we just blew all our disposable income for the month is not going to endear you to us. The perfect boyfriend response: “Wow, [fierce/sexy/hot] new [haircut/handbag/lingerie item]. I guess dinner is on me tonight!” Then wait a few days to bring up your financial concerns, by proposing we both start saving for something we want to buy together.

Never having asked a male of my acquaintance or any male for that matter to support me and not one to treat anyone male or female like an ATM - unless of course it is an actual ATM :) A responsible person who earns, spends and manages money responsibly having learned lessons early in life. I have noticed this and it makes me curious - why is that?

Annoyance #3: You talk to us as if we’re one of the guys
If you have any romantic inclinations toward us, please don’t call us by our last name. Otherwise we’ll assume we’ve already been relegated to buddy status and start thinking of you that way, too. Also, you’ll rarely find us holding entire conversations in Simpsons and Old School quotes. Similarly, we don’t talk in numbers the same way men tend to. We’re happy to see evidence of your improvements at the gym, but we really don’t need to know how much you can bench-press. We also couldn’t care less about your day rate, the price of your car, or the number of beers you once shotgunned in college. And fantasy-league anything will make us flirt hard with the waiter. No, the conversation doesn’t have to be all about us, but we do want you to shoot for topics of mutual interest.

Now if a man is just a friend - not a friend with bennies but just a buddy this kinda makes sense - but if he appears to be interested in more than just friends i.e. romance - what is this all about?

GARLAND: Thanks for The 'Luv at the start of your question. I'm going to be real with you here - your two annoyances are really things I can't relate to, so as a guy, I'm really going to have to make assuptions here myself.

First - The Money Thing... How much did that [ ] hairdo, [ ] purse, [ ] jacket, [ ] bracelet [ ] insert other item cost? Frankly, I don't know what that is all about. When I dated women, they all had jobs and most made the same, or more than I did. So I never had the audacity or reason to question their spending. We weren't married, we didn't share bank accounts and they didn't ask me for a dime! The person that wrote that article sounds like she rolls with some childish psuedo-men. Grown men, with their shizzle together, and who aren't insecure man-children, don't bother their women with these foolish things.

Most of The Ladies today are handling their business and if any of them are putting up with men that are keeping tabs on Their money - then they need their heads examed because there are more fish in the sea, and these little boys just aren't worth it.

I don't even approach My Wife like that, because (1) I trust her judgement (2) I know she's not going to get us into a financial position that will hurt our family (3) She's waaaaay better with money than I am, (4) She's a grown woman with a job of her own.

So ladies, if your man is questioning your money, and he's not putting his money in your hands - you may have a bum and you may have problems down the road.

Then as far as the last name thing goes - In my opinion, this must be some young guy B.S. Unless we were in the military together or worked in an environment where last names were the norm, I'm not calling a woman that I'm interested in by her last name. That is simply stupid. If a guy is calling you by your last name and talking about his childish drinking games and booty call history - then he looks at you like a fool or a pal. I say "A Fool" because if he wants to date you, then he will try to show himself as a good catch, a decent guy, respectful and clever, someone that you would love to be with - not an immature boob. If he thinks that you will go for a slack-jawed, rough around the collar, dim-witted moron, then he thinks that you are a fool, because only a fool would go for that kind of person. Now, he could just want you for "A Pal" - someone to hangout with, maybe have a drink with or an ocassional party side-kick, nothing serious, nothing intimate and nothing romatic. That could be why he treats you like one of the guys, because to him, that basically what you are, so technically, he could be keepin' it real.

But, to answer your question - a guy that, in 2009, is questioning a woman about how SHE spends HER money and is treating her like a dude - is immature and far from ready for a Real relationship. Proceed with EXTREME CAUTION.

CHUCK: Thanks for the question. You know, we're a list obsessed society these days. People write crazy little lists all the time: 3 Sexiest Men, 10 Worst Movies, 5 Worst John Travolta Movies, 12 Things in Lil Wayne's Medicine Cabinet, stuff like that. But you need to understand: It's all for entertainment value. Some lists that are published have little relation to reality, or reality to anyone other than the writer. That might just be the case here.

Or maybe Garland and I are just weird. I know, but I haven't ruled it out. Anyway, The money thing. Once upon a time, when I was young and naive, I had the nerve to ask a young lady I was seeing how much she was spending on her bi-weekly hair appointment. I thought since I was taking her back and forth, I at least had that right. Ah, how wrong I was! I was told emphatically that how much she spent on her hair was none of my business. But from that answer, I gathered, it must be a lot.

Now that I'm married, I am well acquainted with the concept of hers, mine, and ours. Am I going to ask her about the three boxes that came in the mail from Amazon today? No, because I don't need her quizzing me about the bag I just brought in the house from Best Buy. And as long as there is sufficient money between the two of us to keep up the household expenses, there shouldn't be any problems. Nobody wants to get out of bed and put in a full week of work, and be told they can't have or do something that makes them happy.

As for the second example you cite, it brings up a question and a comment. Fiirst, the question: If there is an actual person that behaves in this manner (calling women by their last name, carrying out conversations in quotes from TV shows, regaling you with fantasy football stats), has he ever lived a day outside of a frat house? Has he ever had a conversation with an actual woman? I guess it's possible to be this socially inept, but wow.

Here's the comment: For any guy in his 20's who wonders why he may be having a hard time finding a girlfriend, or questioning why women his age may be gravitating to older men, THIS STUFF IS WHY WOMEN YOUR AGE WON"T DATE YOU. It's all right to conduct yourself like life is Spike TV around your male friends, but if you want to have female company at some point, you need to broaden your interests. I think older guys, in large part, have learned that lesson.

Hope that this was helpful to you in some way. It's not always easy to define what you are as a person, but it's pretty easy to define what you're not. Approach guys who do things like this at your own risk.

Bare Bones Relationship

QUESTION: What a great blog! I really like that you guys give honest, open frank advice.

So here's my situation,

In my dating life, I am always told that I am too intimidating because I happen to be a very well educated independent woman...being mindful of this, I try to only date guys who are equally well educated, assuming that those types won't be intimidated by me. Well about 3 years ago, I met a guy at a conference, who I felt was equally well educated and we talked very briefly after he invited me into a conversation he was having with a group of friends. I was suprised he even knew my name but I joined the conversation for about 10 minutes and then we did not really talk again, although I saw him at a couple of parties after then, I would just say hi and that would be it. Well, about 2 years ago, I added him as a friend on FB, and saw that on his status that he was working overseas in a country I was planning to visit the next month. I send him a private message saying that I was coming to the country, wanted to know if there were any great places to go in the area.

He responded with he would still be in the area when I got there and asked me to let me know when I was around. The next month, after I arrived in the country, I sent him a FB Message saying I was there and he responded telling me to call him. I waited about 3 days and then called. We talked but did not make plans to meet since he was going out of the country the next day. He got back in the country the next week and sends me a FB msg saying he was back and that we should hang out sometime in the week. I was out of town that day but sent him a message to let him know I would be back the next day and I would call him. However, the next day I got busy and waited until the following day to call him and when we talked, he asked me if I wanted to get together that night, I said that it was too late to do so but didn't explain why (I could not because of security in the neighboorhood I stayed having a 7 pm curfew). He immediatly back tracked and says that its okay, I should come to this group dinner he was having the next night for a friend. I go and meet all his friends. The party was fun but again I had to leave early and didn't tell him why (same security reasons) He asked me to stay once, but I said no.

After that I sent him a message to say that I was leaving the country and explained why I left early during the group dinner and let him know that if he was ever back in my city back in the US, he should let me know. A couple of months later, he was back in the states and sent me a FB message asking how I was doing. We communicate for the next few months over FB because it turned out that he was moving permantely out of the country. During this time, he never took more than a week to respond to any FB message I sent him and neither did I. After about 3 months, we fell out of contact and he sent me a message about 5 months after we fell out of contact, wishing me happy birthday and asking me what I was up to. I responded the next day thanking him and asking him what he was up to and how he liked living abroad. He waits 3 months to respond to that message and says he was sorry, didn't see the msg...etc. I respond immediatly, saying that it was okay, we go back and forth over FB message for the next month or so. During this time period, I let him know that I was coming to the country he was in for work around Christmas time and he suggests that we meet up again when I get there. We fall out of contact because he didn't respond to one message I sent him so I just wait and message him 3 months later when I am in his country and he suggests we get together for drinks. I was about 20 minutes late in meeting him and he mentioned my lateness at least 3 times during the evening as if he couldn't believe I had him waiting. I apologized and blamed it on poor driving conditions in the country. Also, I assumed it was going to be just us getting drinks and it ends up being him, me and some friends of his that were visting from the U.S. as well (3 guys, 1 girl). During the get together, I felt he spent most of his time, trying to impress his friends. Making comments like "o man you can't come by the house later tonight because I'll be busy" and laughing which I felt was like the equivalent of him saying he and I were going to have sex that night. Also, at some point, the water brings my unmixed drink and I am forced to mix it myself. In doing so I spill it and I tell him that I would not have spilled it if he had just poured it for me. He says "Oh you know you independent woman, I didn't ask to help you because you might say, I can pour my own drink" I simply replied, I would never say that. Anyway, his friends left and when he and I just sat down to talk, the conversation was good. I felt like when he stop putting on a show for his friends and actually talked to me it was nice. After some time, he started talking about work and a project he really had to finish and looking down at his blackberry, so I took that as a cue to end the evening. We hugged goodbye and he asked me to call him when I got home. I get home and discovered all the electricity was out (remember foreign country!) plus I had been drinking quite a bit so I call him and I say I am home but there is a problem, all the lights are out and I am all by myself and I asked if he wanted to come over an entertain me. He chuckled and said no, that he really had to finish this project he was working on. I felt hurt and rejected because in my mind, I was clearly asking him to come over and have sex with me. The next day, he sent me a text message that said something like..."sorry I couldn't come over last night, I hope everything was okay" I responded saying I was fine and that I hoped his project went well. I didn't hear from him again and I left the country 4 days after our last communication. No communication between the two of us for about 2 months. Then he sends me a FB message saying that he was in the U.S. and hadn't heard from me so he wanted to check on me. I responded the next day with I was good and asking how he was. He doesn't respond for 5 months and then two days ago sends me a message saying he was sorry, he thought he had already responded but hadn't. Then he tells me he recently left his job, was thinking about starting his own business, and asked how things were with me. I saw this message and was hurt. 5 months of non-communication is unacceptable and I had already put him out my mind...but the message brought him to the forefront and it had me thinking again about how much I like him and how great we'd be together.

Now, I want to respond to his message but my pride won't let me because he waited so long to respond to my last message. Plus, I am tired of the nice cordial FB messages, I want to know if he's interested in me or not, its been almost 2 years of the random communication and I am sick of it. I would like to get to know each other on a serious level and maybe even start a relationship if he comes back to the US soon. Anyway, I am confused by his actions...nothing he has done shows clear interest to me but if he's not interested, then why is he stringing me along, it can't be for the sex, because I feel like I already offered that to him and he declined. So what is it? What should I do, Haven't I "put myself" out there enough for him to get it and shouldn't I assume he just doesn't want to get it or have I been sending mixed messages this whole time? How do I be clearer about what I want from him? Is this something, I can do over FB, or something I should ask him to call me from overseas to explain?



CHUCK: The police officer at an accident I passed the other night said it best: Move along, folks. Nothing to see here. In all of your two years of FB messages, international travel, mild flirting, and near curfew violations, you have not even come close to being in a relationship with this man. You're not even in the ballpark.


I can understand how you might think, what with the international distance that is frequently between you, that you must be missing out on something great with this guy. But the fact is that the geographic distance is less of an obstacle than the emotional distance. If you were truly meant to be together, once you were in the same country with him, you would rush to be near his side, and vice versa. Instead, you let days go by, call him as an afterthought, spend most of your time together in the company of his friends, and hurry away to meet your curfew. And when you're not in the same country, he lets long periods of time lapse between contacting you. You'd have to admit: this is far from the Greatest Love Story Ever Known.


I think that what's happened here is you've built up a relationship with this man in your head, more from conjecture and speculation than on actual events. A guy who goes five months without contacting you at all is NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND. It seems as though the closest you have come to this guy was when he was trying to put some awkward show on for his friends by flirting with you. But that may have been just him being a prick. And having sex with you has progressed so far out of the realm of possibility with him, that he completely misses your hints that he should come over and get some.


If you want to really get together with this guy, and it is still possible, it time to finally put some meat on this relationship's bones. You have never said that you have made a direct appeal to this man's affections. Maybe now is the time for that. Send him an FB message, to reserve a time to SPEAK TO HIM on the phone. Let him know how you've been feeling about the possibilities to enrich your relationship together. See how he feels. If he feels the same, you approaching him directly might shock him out of the complacency that allows him to treat your messages so cavilierly. If he doesn't feel the same, well, what have you lost, anyway? Give it a shot. Good luck.

GARLAND: I'm going to disagree with Chuck on this one. His answer started with what I'm thinking... "Move along. Nothing to see here." but he finished with a splash of optimism. I'm just not in agreement.

I think that after two years and international travels and back and forth and FB messages this and FB messages that, I just don't think hunting this fellow down for swing at a relationship would be in your best interest.

Just to grab a few specific points you made - the pouring of the drink... I am amazed that you could remember such a specific fact. I kinda' have to agree with your friend on this one - the first thing you told Chuck and I was that you were very independant. I'm pretty sure a strong, intelligent and independent woman wouldn't suddenly fall helpless to a few shot glasses of liquid and a shaker of ice. I think he knew the score on that one. And, as far as him telling his friends, "I'm gonna be busy later tonight..." Isn't that what he told you too? Didn't he say he had a project for his job to work on? I think he was talking about working on his project, and you thought he was talking about working on you!

Also, the whole 'inviting him over for sex' on the same night he tells you he has an important project for work... well, that's pretty selfish on your part. You could have invited him over on any night of the week, but you wanted him to choose YOU over his job. You wanted him to go to work the next day shorthanded, so you could show him that you're the boss. I think that it is good that he even spoke to you after that one - if that was me, and you pulled that kind of power-struggle move on me, I would have kicked you to the curb. But that's not answering your question...

I think for your sake you should write this guy off. He probably thinks that you are a nice person and he likes keeping up with you on FB and maybe having a drink or two now and then. But if this guy wanted to date you or be in love with you, I think he would have made it clear by now. I think you are arranging him and your feelings for him in a manner that makes him seem like he could be [or should be] The One. I think that is a title that he probably doesn't want. You and your time are more valuable than that. I think your efforts are better spent on a guy that is there with you, mentally, physically and emotionally.

Thanks for your question, and best of luck to you!

"Let's Stay Friends" and Other Lies

QUESTION: Hey Chuck and Garland,

I really appreciate this blog and your honest advice. Here's my situation. I'd developed a close friendship with this guy following college for about 2.5 years. We were really close and he wanted to escalate the relationship. I declined. At the time I was dealing with an ex and didn't feel ready to jump into a long distance and interracial relationship with this friend. Seemed like too much stress. We remained friends but scaled back some of our communication (letters and such) at his request. However my feelings continued to grow. I finally got the nerve to confront him with my feelings at the same time that he abruptly started ignoring me. He wouldn't return any calls, emails, etc.

After some months he finally sent an email informing me that he had a girlfriend, apologizing for how he'd acted, and stating that he wanted to rebuild our friendship. I expressed a willingness to rebuild our friendship too and did not disclose my feelings. So as far as he was concerned, my feelings for him were platonic and I was not a direct threat to his current relationship. After claiming to want to rebuild our friendship, this guy ostracizes me again for months. Then I hear that he'd gotten engaged. I sent a congratulatory email (strictly platonic) and surprise...he actually responds to it. Prior to this, he hadn't communicated with me for 7 months. In his email he apologized for how he'd treated me, stated that he dropped off the face of the earth b/c he still had feelings for me at that time. I replied, accepted his apology and requested a brief conversation--I felt that I owed him an apology as well but not over email...You just don't apologize to people over email. Anyway, he didn't respond to my request for a week or so and I (assuming that I'd been ostracized again) decided that I would apologize via email to just clear the air on my end, make the necessary amends, and call it a day. When he received my email, he replied and explained that he'd been out of town and didn't have any problems with our talking over the phone about this as opposed to email. So, if I was still willing to talk to him after he's acted I could give him a call. Taking him at his word, I gave him a call, left a message, and haven't heard from him since...It's been nearly a month. I'm annoyed by his inability to man up and be truthful. My goodness, would he just say what he means and mean what he says! If he didn't want to talk via phone then he should have said so, if you didn't want to remain friends then he should have said so. The truth will set you free!! We're both adults and should be able to keep it somewhat real, if not completely real with each other.

Chuck and Garland, please know that I'm not trying to break up this guy's engagement and am consequently not a threat to his relationship. I'd just like to understand why on earth he would express a desire to maintain a friendly coexistence with me on multiple occasions and then proceed to treat me like I don't exist. It's rude and immature. I've never dealt with a guy like this before.

Any insight would be greatly appreciated. And if in your answers you suggest that he still has feelings for me then I'll need you to explain to me how a man can propose to another woman while he still has strong feelings for someone else?

An ex of mine (the one mentioned early in the above post) called me, told me about his engagement and proceeded to indirectly ask if there was still a chance for us! To me, that's something you do BEFORE you put a ring on someone else's hand and not after. But I welcome and look forward to your insight.

Thanks,

Chuck: When a woman's inability to realize what she wants (in a timely manner) meets a man's inability to directly express his feelings (in a timely manner), you get what you've got here. Which is not too much.

Your friend had romantic feelings for you and expressed them before you were ready, so you shut him down. And by the time you realize you have romantic feelings for him, he has someone else. Happens all the time, especially here @ this blog. But when he doesn't hold up his end of the promise to remain platonic friends despite his girlfriend, you get angry. That's because your feelings for him aren't entirely platonic anymore. Let's face it: if his fiancee were to get hit by a crosstown bus today, you may not be dancing in the streets, but you won't be shedding any tears, either.

As for the reason this guy does not contact you for long periods of time, there are three likely explanations. You can figure out for yourself which applies. First, he may just be a creep. Secondly, He may not trust himself to stay in contact with you. The feelings that he once, and still may, have for you may preclude any contact remaining strictly platonic. And thirdly, he may not want any emails, phone messages, or letters around that his fiancee might discover. Some women are very sensitive about the platonic female friends that their man has.

I may be reading things wrong here, I think you're looking for some closure for your feelings for this guy. If you are doing that, you shouldn't be. I've said it before here: Closure isn't something you get in real life. On your favorite soaps, couples that are breaking up have knock-down-drag-out arguments, followed by slaps in the face and crazy angry-sex with one another. I can hear "Touch Me in the Morning" playing in the background. But real life is more like this: The last long-term girlfriend I had before I started dating the woman I married I talked to every day on the phone and saw nearly every day. Then the visits became less frequent. Then the phone calls. Then we were barely speaking at all. Then nothing. No big blow-up. No closure. You learn to live without it.

Get over this guy. If he can learn to live long periods of time without you, you can at least show him you can do the same. You seem to have a lot of affection to give (once you decide what you want). Find a guy that's closer who has no such baggage.

GARLAND: Thanks for your question!

Let's see - I don't think he still has feelings for you. Even if he did - it would be possible for him to propose to another woman, simply because some guys are stupid and shallow. But based on what you are saying, I think its time to let this one go.

So much of what you said shows the big differences between men and women - you ladies love the whole 'talking things through'. The idea of 'still being friends'. The 'why can't he talk about his feelings with me' aspect of things. Men are just not wired this way. When you were going days, weeks and months without hearing from him, I think he was trying to close the door on you, but then part of him [stupidly] wanted to check in on you. I think he just didn't want you to feel totally dissed. I think he wanted to say, "Hi." make sure you were doing okay and then NOT talk to you for another 3 months. But each time he and you got drawn in to deeper conversation.

This whole 'apologizing' thing between the two of you is nothing short of harmful self-torture. Neither of you owe the other any apology, you both need to just move on. This whole 'feeling like you've done something wrong' is really not doing either of you any good. He needs to stop calling you and get on with being emotionally faithful to his future wife, and you need to write him off as the cab you just missed - another will be by shortly.

Personally - I've always had this ability to walk away from a woman once I discovered that the relationship wasn't going to work or wasn't going to manifest. And oddly, it was THAT time that most of these women came after me the hardest. I'm not going to get into why I think that was so - but I think you have a guy that just won't completely walk away. Maybe he likes to keep you dangling on his emotional hook. I don't know. But since you asked for our advice - my loyalty is going to you.

Walk away from him-

Don't open his E-Mails, don't take his calls, return the letters he mails to you - he needs to focus on his wife and YOU need to focus on YOU, so you have to be the grown-up here.

And please, please, please don't convince yourself that you are The Legendary, often heard of but NEVER seen "PLATONIC FRIEND!" Have you ever noticed that only women use this term? No man has ever said that he is the PLATONIC friend of a woman. Men may call themselves "friends" to certain women, but only women throw the word "PLATONIC" out like it means something special, like it is some incredible shield against evil, or sex. Don't waste your time proclaiming to be all PLATONIC with this guy - in the grand scheme of things you are one step below an ex-girlfriend and to an engaged man, you are persona-non-grata when he has a future wife on deck. There's really no future with this guy. So write this one off - there is nothing good that can come out of this situation - remember, YOU have to be the grown up for this one.

Call it "the Group-date"

QUESTION: Hi! I'm sure you get hundreds of emails every day, so I'll be brief.

There's a man I go to church with who I think likes me. He writes me emails asking questions he knows the answer to, he got me a card for my b-day and wanted me to open it in front of him, stuff like that to get my attention.

He finally got the guts to ask me out, or so I think, and this is where I need help. We were sitting with a group of people and just talking about movies we'd like to see. About 15 minutes later, he blurts out, "We should go see such and such." I said, sure, sounds like fun! He asked me, he didn't ask his friend or the whole table if they wanted to go.

Anyway, later in the week, he says, "I'm still up for that movie, MaleFriend #1 is meeting us for the movie, and Friends 2&3 are meeting up for dinner." I was furious, thinking it was me and him seeing a movie and then it turns into a group event. Did I misinterpret what he said? Why would he change his mind, when I said yes?

Chuck: Thank you for the question.

You may not have misinterpreted this gentleman's request. He just may have extended himself and lost his nerve. In this day and time, in the dating arena, sometimes it's possible not to take yes for an answer. This guy may have blurted out that you should see a movie together, and later thought, "maybe I was too forward." And he thought that the best way to take some of the pressure off of himself, or to make you feel more comfortable, would be to invite some wing-men and women along, too. It's possible.

The other option is that, although he's attracted to you, he may be seeing someone else. And to avoid looking like a cad, especially in a church-folk setting, he is trying his best to erase any implication of a date from this date that you've made.

Either way, I hope that you didn't over-react to what could be a very benign situation. I understand that you feel that you were misled, but I don't know that you really needed to be "furious." Maybe these clumsy, tentative steps are how this guy goes about wooing a woman (and I can't believe I just used the word "woo"). Every guy out there ain't smooth.

Keep an open mind, try to confirm his relationship status, and, if you like, go out with him if he asks you again. Just find out first if there are any others on the guest list. Don't let some initial clumsiness ruin what could be a good thing.

GARLAND: Usually, Chuck and I don't talk about the questions we get until after we've answered them. We like to keep our thoughts uneffected by one another. However, we found ourselves on the highway this weekend riding together on our way to poker at a buddies house and we were loosely discussing the number of questions we had for this week. And I broke tradition and specifically mentioned this question. Why I just shared that - I don't know.

But uh, I think the guy got in a little over his head with the movie thing. Either he WANTED to go with just you, or after you all parted company the other folks kinda' took for granted that he made a group invite. If the latter is the case, he may not have been smooth or confident enough to say, "Oh, no. I wasn't inviting YOU guys! I was just talking to ------." This would take a pretty confident guy. And, maybe he's just not there yet.

The whole "asking you questions that he knows the answers to," and wanting you to "open your card in front of him," it sounds very cute and very unpolished. Let me guess - this guy is between 19 and 22? He sounds young and he sounds coached.

But this isn't a bad thing. I'm willing to bet that we likes you and wants to go out with you - just you. He's just rough around the edges. I'm willing to bet that you are between 20 and 23? Am I right. If that is the case then you are like... what... 10 YEARS MORE MATURE THAN HIM!

I say, he's okay. Be a little patient with him and let him know that it's cool to go out alone sometimes. It sounds like your a lot more comfortable with the whole dating thing than he is. Good luck and slip us an E-Mail or a comment letting us know how things are going!