I adore your site and what you are doing for many women out there right now-it is wonderful!
I am hoping that you can give me your insight about an issue I am going through. About a year ago, one of my best friends introduced me to her cousin at a family party. We knew each other by face, because we had gone to the same highschool and he was a couple of years older than me. Anyway at the party we hit it off, and exchanged numbers. After that we spoke practically everyday. He would call on his breaks from work, and we even went out on a couple of dates. At this time he had just graduated from university and decided to take a post-graduation trip with the boys to Cancun. Up until the night before his trip he called, wishing me a goodnight and basically letting me know he would call when he returned. I had grown pretty strong feelings for the dude-call it sprung if you must lol. So throughout that week I could not wait until he returned. This is where things turned awry, I remember it as though it happened yesterday--he returned the thursday, and i did not hear anything from him. I did not take it as anything personal, instead I thought 'Okay, he just got home. He'll call when he unpacks' Meanwhile I always heard my male cousins say if they were coming home from a trip and genuinely missed a woman she would be the first person he would be calling when that plane touched down. Anyway, a few days passed and still nothing. By the end of the next week I finally texted him asking if he was alright, due to his cousin mentioned a family incident. He said he was fine, and we made small talk for a bit. After that I heard nothing from him. Absolutely nothing. His cousin, who I am fairly close with filled me in that he has not stopped seeing his ex, and was staying at her place that was close to where he worked. She even gave me insight to what he has done to a previous girl who thought they were in a relationship after he had taken her virginity. He ignored her, and finally when she attended the same event as him and he gave her a bunch of excuses she noticed a few 'love bites' on his neck.
Back to the story, about 5 months later he randomly calls me explaining himself after I had finally gotten over the hurt of being abruptly ditched. He said he was having a hard time and the whole 9 yards..blah blah blah. By this time I didn't care as much seeing that I had moved on myself. Realizing he was seeking some sort of forgiveness I told him I had nothing against him and it's in the past. He then suggested coffee, but I did not get back to him. That was 2009. This year after getting back from vacation, I activated my black berry messenger. I spoke to his cousin and she mentioned he had been asking about me as I did not show up to a party he presumed I was going to. I told her nonchalantly he could add me on bbm, not thinking much of it. Not even 10 minutes later he calls, appearing to be a 'changed' man. I almost felt embarrassed for him, the amount of times he would message me asking if he could call and how he wished me luck on every assignment i mentioned i was working on. It sounds nice, but the thing is...I don't trust him. He hurt me, and at this point in my life I find him to be an nuisance. I look back wondering what i was thinking, while it seems he is looking back and realizing what a mistake he made. He was always so conceited just because he now had degree behind his name. It was 'my philosophy' this 'theoretically speaking' that. Could it be he thinks he is that smart, he can pull one over on me?
I don't know why, but I almost feel bad because he continues to ask me out, wanting to go on a date a just spend time together and I just can't trust myself with him. A part of me enjoys that he now knows how it feels to be uncertain, but I can't help to wonder whether he has genuinely had a wake up call? or is he just lonely (he has mentioned something along those lines) and wants to attempt to pass the time with me. What are your perspectives on this guy? and how can I tell him that the furthest we will ever be is friends without being hurtful. I have a really hard time telling men I am not interested but every time my phone lights up with his name there is no longer that feeling I had last year, instead it is one of "Why the f*ck won't he just dissapear again!"
...Why on earth does it take a women giving up, for a man to regain and interest?
Sorry if i appeared to be venting lol and I sincerely thank you in advance for your time and input.