Hey there.i was recommended to this by a friend and i read it for myself and i'm really impressed :) i think its pretty nice of you guys to take your time to do this and actually clear our minds for us!haha.
QUESTION: My problem is i'm stuck between two guys whom we'll refer to as Ben and Jerry.I got to know both Ben and Jerry around the same time and talking to them as friends.
Initially i did have a little something for Jerry but brushed it off and never confided in anybody about it. Then i started talking more to Ben and we got more acquainted and he confessed on his feelings for me and at that time i had a liking for him too so i told him about it as well.But i made it clear i didn't want to go into anything yet and that we still remain as friends and see how it went as i wanted to get to know him better before going into anything.Guess i was just being too guarded?
And so happens few weeks later Jerry confessed on his liking for me and now i'm confused. I was honest with Jerry about the situation and told him about Ben and how i was now confused and "stuck" between both guys. Jerry was open about it and he said he would be fine with any decision i took and that no matter what decision i took he wouldn't let it affect our friendship which i think was rather mature of him, cos you hardly see that nowadays.
I have confided in a few friends about this and some have told me to "go with the flow" and see how things go,get to know both guys better and then eventually make a choice.I was initially okay with that option but now i'm getting apprehensive cos i don't wanna be a bitch and lead both guys on and end up hurting either. I'm afraid things might get out of hand and either or worse,both guys might take this liking more seriously.What do i do?thank you soo much!
GARLAND: Thanks for your question. It seems like you've got this one lined up the right way. If you have two guys and you're half-way feeling both of them, then you should lay back in the cut and see how things unfold.
Funny thing though - years ago I found myself in the position of, uh - "Jerry." There was this young lady that I was feeling. I thought she was pretty cool and I wanted to see where things might go between us if we started dating. I let her know what was up from my end... as I like to say, "I put my cards on the table face up." She kinda' let me know that she was half-way seeing this guy "Ben" and she wasn't exactly sure where they were headed. So, I drifted back and kinda' left it at "Well, give me a call sometime." I left a candle burning for her [sort of] and figured I'd see what would happen. After a little while I decided that leaving a candle burning too long was nothing more than a FIRE HAZZARD! I soon realized that I was wasting my time waiting for a woman that wasn't bright enough to see that I was a gem of a man. I moved on beyond her and never looked back. All I can say is that moving on was the best thing I could have done with my life.
If you want to come out of this situation with Ben and Jerry as a winner. Take and make opportunities to really see what they are about. But if you really want to be with one of them, you are going to have to make a decision. Because if you don't one of them will.
Back of luck!
CHUCK: Thank you for the kind words and the question. You have a problem that a lot of our readers would love to have. Some of them are having difficulty nailing down ONE decent man, and here you have two attentive, mature men seeking your affections. Good for you.
Given the information you provided, there appears to be no obvious choice of which way to go, either. Nobody seems like a creep, or anything. I will tell you this, however: Don't take too long making your choice. Everybody's fine with taking their time and waiting for you to decide who you want to be with, but that could change quickly. There's a phrase that goes, "poop, or get off the pot." Something like that.
I know you're probably getting some advice from friends that you should play this out as long as you can, and make the most of both Ben and Jerry's attentions before you make a decision. Men do that kind of thing all the time. But I believe that we'd tell any man the same thing we're teling you. No double standards, here.
In the interest of assisting you in making your decision, you should first decide what you're looking for in a relationship with anyone right now.Good times? Crazy sex? Or do you have an eye towards something more lasting? After you have figured out what it is you want, you should move towards the guy who seems most likely to give it to you. If they're both still too close to call, I don't know. Hell, flip a coin.
Good luck.
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