S*x or Time?

QUESTION: SHORT history----

Hooked up at a reunion, continued a LDR from 1500 miles away. Got together about every 3 months. I moved to area to his area and renting one of his houses (which was my home state- was moving there ANYWAY) and he then tells me "Don't move for me, I won't be there for you..not sure our relationship can last, blah, blah, blah..."
So I moved back home and he invites me to HIS home, while I wait for moving van.
SURPRISINGLY, he initiated s*x with me 3 times, during my 5 day stay there... Evidently "back rub" is code for S*X.

Van gets into town, so I leave his house......
He comes to the rental once a week and I get a "back-rub", akas S*X.

So, this "WON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOU" is confusing to me. Is it FWB, Booty call, or what. I am content with either, because s*x with this person is like none other I have expereinced. lol. I just need direction...... My birthday just past and I rec'd 2 presents and a nice card that said "YOU'RE NOT GETTING OLDER, YOU'RE GETTING SEXIER"----

NO NAME~~~~~

GARLAND: THKS for the question NN.

Based on what you’ve given us, he’s telling U that he is not going to give you anything more than sex.
“I won’t be there for you,” is his safety net. That way, he can sex… uh, S*X you up as much as he wants and still doesn’t have to commit to you. That way, he can sex… uh, S*X up as many other young ladies that he wants and he has no commitment, no loyalty, and no accountability to you. The second… the very SECOND you act like you want anything other than the ‘hot-n-sweaty’ from him, he is gonna throw that safety net back in your face. He’s gonna tell you, “I told you I wasn’t trying have a relationship!” So, if S*X is all you want and it’s off the charts, then enjoy it. This guy will never give you anything more.

CHUCK: I think it's important to define our terms before we go any further. So, s*..., oh, for God's sake, SEX, is A) What you will get when a back rub is offered, B) Pretty darn good, and

C) What you can expect of this man, rather than any of his "time." "Time" is, that other stuff that couples do in a relationship, when they're not doing sex.

I, personally, don't see why you're confused. I have to commend this man for being honest with you, at least. He's told you all that he has to offer you. He won't be there for you. He won't take you to the movies. He won't bring you soup when you get sick. He won't sit on the couch with you, and laugh at Basketball Wives. He's told you, don't expect this. And you've agreed to his terms.

My only concern is that you might be selling yourself a little short with your current arrangement. You're renting his house. He pays you a visit for a backrub once a week. But what if you want a backrub twice one week? What if you want to have it on a Tuesday, instead of a Thursday? What if you want to skip a week? Is that a dealbreaker? He has all the power between you two. And that's fine, as long as he doesn't abuse it.

So, by all means, enjoy all the great sex. You have a right to. But please, don't harbor any thoughts that he might change his mind about your arrangement one day. It's unlikely. And watch out for any signs that he might be seeking to take further advantage of you than you have agreed to allow him to. And, for now, good luck.


Anonymous said...

Maybe I'm missing it or having one if those perpetual blonde moments but I can't seem to figure out where to send a question. So, I'm just going to post it here. Here it goes:

I am 24 years old and my boyfriend is 28. We met online and instantly clicked after out first date and have basically been inseparable since. Both of us have had horrible experiences in past relationships and were just looking for something casual before we met each other. In my sexual past, I've been particularly reserved. I couldn't have sex with someone unless I was in a relationship with them. It sounds silly,but I blame it on my ridiculously strict religious upbringing. His sexual history us quite the opposite. For example, he had this running bet with his best friend that whoever slept with 20 people before the other, the loser had to call the winner 'master' for the next year. Btw, his best friend is also a girl. Now, sexually, I have a pretty troubled history that is hard for most people to understand. I don't feel comfortable going into much detail about it but for informations sake, the main point us that I was raped. I have trauma regarding this but not in a sexual way, if that makes sense. It's mostly in the sense of control. Which often translates into a sexual way. I am a Dom. I like being in control, I like being on top. My boyfriend is also a dom. In the time we've been together, we've opened each others minds, sexually. I've realized that, with him, I enjoy being submissive. And he's realized that he also enjoys being submissive with me. We have amazing, life altering, earth shattering sex. It's literally unbelievable. It seems impossible that there could be a problem, and yet, there is. This is an issue we've had for a little while now... We are both into BDSM and we experiment with a lot of different things pretty often. We both like to keep things new and different in the bedroom. The problem we've been having is something quite serious to me. He tries to play it off and make it seem like it's not a big deal but I can't help but take it personally. He been having trouble with his sex drive. As in, he can go weeks without having sex. With the amazing sex that we have, its impossible for me to comprehend that he doesn't want it all the time. I try not to take it personally, but at the end of the day, I am a woman. I just want to know if there is something I can do to 'get him in the mood'. I have tried everything I know to do. Everytime we've had sex the past few months, it's been initiated by me. There are times when I want to be ravished and taken by him but it feels like it will never happen. How can I get him to do this? Or is there something else I'm missing?

Thanks for your help!
The submissive dominatrix.

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