QUESTION: My boyfriend of a year has recently started texting other females. I do not know what the messages say or even what they talk about because recently do to extenuating circumstances, he has had to move back to Puerto Rico which is where he is from. So as of now we are in a long distance relationship. I am not sure if I should be worried or not, because I know they are just text messages, but I have asked him not to text other females because I think it is very disrespectful. He stopped for a little while but then started back, this time it was different girls. Does he not love me anymore? Does he not want a relationship anymore? Should I move on? We also have a child on the way, which is why I am so reluctant to believe that he wouldn't want a relationship anymore. And partly because when he was here, we really didn't have many problems. I just want to know exactly what I should do? Am i overreacting? Or is there something to worry about.

GARLAND: Thanks for your question. So, Your Man is texting other women. I say ‘women’ because I hate the term ‘females’ even when a woman uses it. ‘Female’ sounds so odd to me, cows and chickens are ‘females.’ I think guys started calling women ‘females’ as a way to be politely disrespectful, almost like calling them “B’s” in their faces without actually using the word. But that’s my two cents, and I guess you didn’t ask me to critique your vocabulary.

In my opinion, your man ‘texting’ a bunch of other ladies is not really cool. Texting now is pretty much like talking on the phone, only slower and with a less inconvenience, but it’s a rather personal exchange. Now, I think men and women can have friends of the opposite sex, but they have to scale that number back when they get into a relationship. Every woman that is on your man’s Facebook Friend’s list isn’t a REAL friend, so he should have a small number of women that he should be texting. Frankly, I just don’t trust a whole lot of texting back and forth, especially if he knows that it bothers you. That tells you straight up that keeping his little secret conversations with these mysterious women is more important than you and any relationship with him.

The Writing, uh The Texting is on the wall here. You know What your Man is Thinking.

Good luck.

CHUCK: Texting has become a pretty socially acceptable way to do dirt these days, for the man or woman with cheating on their minds. Put it like this: You wouldn't tell your boyfriend if you called another guy on the phone 5 times in one day. But you might not think twice about telling him that you texted another guy a few times yesterday. Because, you know, texting is just innocent, right? Wrong.

The same kind of escalating flirtacious behavior that goes on on the phone can take place on text. And even better, since they can be accompanied by the odd risque photo. While I hate using out-of-date manufactured terms from a Fox News Investigation report, "sexting" is a real thing.

You say that you are currently in a long distance relationship with your boyfriend. This texting may be a completely innocent way for him to relieve the pressure of being away from you. However, you say that you have asked him to stop, and he hasn't complied, just found a new bunch of women to send to. You're right. That's pretty disrespectful.

Is this your first child that you and he are having together? Because he may be feeling nervous or overwhelmed with the idea of having a child, and is thus tentatively pursuing more trivial relationships with women. That, of course, would not excuse him, but it would make him easier to understand.

What I would suggest you do is approach him again on this topic, tell him you are uncomfortable with him keeping a little text-harem, and ask him to stop. If he does, great. If not, you need to decide how far you want to take this. I realize that you two are expecting a child, and when he's physically around you, things are fine. But you need to know, if you two are going to stay together, that he is putting you first in his life. It's that simple.


Anonymous said...

Im with a man in a long distance relationship i can sympathized what your going through frankly i had similar situation where my man texting other women i told him how i feel about it and he stop as long as just friends nothing more then no worries. i agreed with you on that when you being disrespectful towards you. if theres a trust issue all i can say good luck.

Chuck and Garland said...

Thanks Anon for your comment!

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