Boys will be boys... Don't hold it against them.

QUESTION: Hi I love your blog. I'am 16 years old and I know that in this period of time(teenage years) is difficult to handle emotions. My question is about a situation that i had 2 years ago. One of my best boy friends wrote in his notebook( I really don't know the reason) how beautiful I am, when I saw almost everything that he wrote he torn the paper. n a childish way I insisted him to tell me that if he liked me. This situation was very stupid really but since then my realationship with him has changed. I don't know how he feels, although he told me that he did't like me anymore(something that I think was for avoid more questions from me) and I don't want him to feel bad. What I should do, ignore that wierd event of ourlives or asking him later what he truly feels? I don't know so I need a guy opinion, How boys determine if you like a girl and if you stop liking her right away?


GARLAND: Hmmm. Wow. Thanks for your question.

Since this blog is called “What Are Men Thinking”, I’m going to have to go back in time a little bit and see if I can recall “What Are Teenaged Boys Thinking?”

If I recall correctly, I, like most of my peers, were fairly clueless when it came girls when we were around 15 or 16. Certainly we didn’t KNOW we were clueless, but in the grand scheme of things – we were. This fellow probably does think that you are a Cutie Pie, and he probably does like you. But I know that one of my big hang-ups as a teen was my lack of money before I got my first job at 16, so this guy may want to take you out and spend some time with you, but he may not have the financial means right now, so he’s backing off to avoid the embarrassment.

Another issue may be the lack of ‘Big Brother’ guidance. He may not have the self confidence to really chat with you and he may not have anyone to give him the advice and insight that he needs. At a time when everyone and everything is wired up with Twitter this and Facebook that, WTF this and LMAO that - straight up talking is becoming a dying art. I have a gut feeling that this fellow is just a little shy or even intimidated by you. You may be the “It Girl” in school and he may be struggling to be the backup, to the backup, to the backup clarinet player for the school band. Those ‘popular girls’ are always hard for average guys to approach in school.

My advice – don’t push him about his feelings for you. For heaven’s sake don’t corner him and MAKE him tell you if he likes you. Teenaged boys tend to be a bit stupid when it comes to girls, and teenaged girls tend to be way more sophisticated than teenaged boys. Most boys are either too insecure or too arrogant to understand and be able to explain their feelings about a girl. Just be friendly towards him if you like him. Don’t push him to try an define how he feels. Just be friends with him and let him get comfortable being himself around you and before you know it he’ll take his foot out of his mouth and give you the insight to his feelings that you want.

Good luck!