Tuesday

The Change-up

QUESTION:  So I'm in abit of a situation here...first of all I met a guy (let's call him A)....this guy is really into me but since the beginning he wasn't really my type...so, but then I met his (friend B) and me and his friend have a connection somewhat and I really like him...I catch him looking at me sumtimes and when me and him talk he asks me out about myself and it feels like its just the 2 of us in the room and (A just dissapears) and when he heard I was in town because we live in two separate cities he'd make sure to hang out with me and A, he even went as far as to invite me and his friend A out on a double date to a restaurant that I had mentioned I like...he basically made himself very available to see me as often as possible...I think he can see I'm not really that into A and even asked me "so do u have feelings for him?" Then I told B that no I don't he's just a friend so I'm not sure if he's really into me or is he just being nice... He also said that we will c each other soon...Because he is coming up to my city ina bit for business...he also added me on facebook without knowing my surname...I really like B but A is not aware of this yet and B said he doesn't even really know why he is friends with A ( like he was saying bad things about him and so on) so I'm not sure as to what to make out of this situation...also I've come to know that me and B have SO MuCH in common...and we def have a connection...So please give me sum advise on is B really into me or is he just being a nice guy...I'm not sure if I'm just in the Friend zone?....

CHUCK:  This sounds like a fairly easy situation to resolve, provided this B guy is being honest with you. Stop seeing A. I'm not sure why you're with him, to begin with, other than to have an excuse to be in contact with the guy you're really into.

There's no reason to prolong this. I don't know what the A guy is thinking, and I don't know if you care. But let's just speculate for a minute: He's seeing a girl he's into, but is unaware that she's developed feelings for a partner of his. He thinks everything's on the up-and-up, but you two are making goo-goo eyes at each other, and talking about him behind his back.

Please don't think you're doing him a favor. A needs some honesty, and a clean break. The longer this goes on, the harder it's going to be for him. So break things off with him. whether you tell him you're feeling his friend is up to you. I think you should do, just to prevent further discomfort later, if you and B start dating.

As for B, the reason that I used the phrase, "if he's being honest'" earlier, isbecause you might be unfamiliar with the concept of the frenemy. B could be a frenemy with A, playing his friend, but looking to undermine or hurt him on the sly. If he's that kind of creep, he could be trying to worm his way into your affections, just to say he stole A's woman away. I was stuck in the middle between two frenemies before, it's not a good feeling, and you could end up with no one.

But I'm projecting here. Do what you need to do. Break up with A. And see what's going on with B. You're a grown-up. I assume. Good luck with the Change-up.

GARLAND:  Thanks for your question.  I think you should ditch guy A like Chuck said. 

I think Friend B is laying the groundwork for some distance between him and Mr. A. The whole "I don't know why I hang out with that loser A..." and "A is such a dweeb, I only hang out with him for his cute Lady-Friend..." and "A is like school in the summer, No Class..." is simply a move to assuage any guilt you might have if you and him hook up.  He wants to make you feel, whether it's true or not, that any feelings that A might have when you and B get together are no big deal and there is really no closeness or loyalty there.  True or not isn't the issue, but I think B is looking for 'something' between the two of you.

Don't play around with A if you know you don't really want him long term, it will make things worse when you move on.  Let him know how you feel - gently, don't bring B up unless you have to, unfriend - A [no need to let him see you having fun with your new guy] and move on without looking.

A... B... C your way into a good time!

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