Tuesday

The Graduate


QUESTION: My boyfriend and I will both be graduating from the University of Maryland in the next few months. We started dating during our sophmore year and we've gotten closer than I would have ever imagined. For the last two years he's been there for me and I've been there for him no matter what we had going on. He came to me a few days ago and told me that he's decided to go to grad school in Michigan. This was the first I had heard of this. Up until then I assumed we were going to stay here in the Maryland area. He had a good job offer with the federal government in DC and I've been working for an insurance company here in Silver Spring [Maryland]. Why is he going to grad school 600 miles away without talking to me or asking for my thoughts? I haven't even talked to him about this, when he told me what he was going to do, he didn't even ask my opinion. He just told me and walked away. What is going on? Am I being dumped?

GARLAND: Yes. Sadly, you are being dumped.
By telling you, "Honey I'm going to grad school in Michigan." What he avoided telling you was, "Honey, its been real. But, its time to move on."

I think that's a kinda lame way to breakup with somebody, but I have seen far worse by guys - I've seen guys curse their girlfriends out, I've seen guys deliberately get caught cheating - basically, there are worse ways to get dropped.

Do yourself the favor, don't even make an issue of it. Start planning your graduation, enjoy your life and prepare to hit the dating scene after you've given yourself a few months to get him out of your system. Trust me, from where you are right now, this probably seems like a major issue - you've been with this guy for 10% of your life, five years from now you'll look back and laugh at how lame his breakup was. Let him go his way, the best revenge you can ever have on someone is to LIVE WELL!!!

Chuck: Garland and I are in complete agreement, except maybe for the laughing-later part. Your boyfriend has dumped you in the most impersonal way he could. But this guy certainly didn't consider you when making plans for his future, so really... don't sweat him.

I'm surprised that you're surprised. I find it hard to believe that you had NO clues as to what he planned to do after graduation, considering you two dated for two years. Most women want to know what the future is for a relationship two months old, let alone two years. He never made mention of grad school? Or gave broad hints about leaving the area? Think about it. He may have been dropping hints on you all along, and just finally decided to drop the boom when you weren't taking them. In no way does this excuse him treating his long-term girlfriend so coldly, but he may feel justified or blameless anyway.

Credit him for honesty, though. He could have asked you to maintain a long distance relationship, went to Michigan and started knocking off every female in sight, while keeping you at home on the string for visits and holiday booty. He didn't do that. You can get on with your life the same as he does. Good luck.

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