QUESTION: My friend is dating a guy that I think is a criminal. He claims to work construction jobs, but he never seems to go to work, he has three expensive, customized cars, he always has a ton of cash on him and he's always dressed in the flyest of fashions. I'm not hating on my friend, but she's always been drawn to guys that seem questionable and usually they are. This guy seems like all the guys she's cried over in the past. What do I do? Do I tell her or do I just leave her and the two of them alone and let things go down as they may? I just don't want to see her get locked up, hurt or worse.
GARLAND: I've seen this a few times myself. In my opinion, the ladies that have dated these shady guys... they know whats up. And, you said your girl is always drawn to 'questionable guys' so she probably knows whats going on. She may just like the danger, or the gifts, or the drama, or the thug-lovin' she may be getting.
A guy that works construction, but never seems to be AT WORK and always looks sharp and has money to spare - yeah, that may be a bad sign. But, in my opinion I think you should leave things as they are and not say anything. Be available if SHE wants to talk, but otherwise, let her go with her own flow. If you start pointing out flaws in her man, she may cling tighter to him and turn away from you.
Besides, your friend may just like perpetuate the myth that all men are dogs. She picks bad guys that she knows are bad and then after a few months, she suddenly pretends to have her eyes open when she finds his guns or his stash and then she can claim the victimized and unknowing girlfriend. Let this one ride...
Chuck: First of all, before we send your friend's man off to Oswald Correctional Institute (women watched "Oz," right?), let's try to give dude the benefit of the doubt, shall we? He could work construction! Um, them union jobs pay quite a bit. And if he specializes, he could have an open schedule with easy hours. Enough to buy three expensive cars and... Oh, forget the benefit of the doubt. My man is hustling something fierce.
As for your friend, hustler's ladies are just like hustlers in this respect: They'd like to believe the good life can last forever. So she goes out with these guys, soaking up the cream, because she can't see that day coming when she's sitting on his sofa at 3 in the morning, nearly butt-naked, while cops or feds rip the place up, looking for dope or cash. I would think that kind of thing needs to happen to you only once.
I understand your urge to help your friend, but there's no need to take her aside. If she is drawn to these kinds of guys, then she knows what she's getting, and the risks she's taking. It's doubtful she'll listen to you anyway. If she wants to be a ride-or-die chick, let her. Just pray she doesn't end up with the latter choice.