Breakin' Balls (so to speak...)

QUESTION: You guys kind of touched this subject previously. I currently live with my boyfriend and we have a 5 month old daughter. We have been together a little over two years. In the past, my boyfriend would go out and hang out a lot with his friends (almost everyday.) Now it has come to a point where he hangs out with this one friend once a week, usually on Saturdays. He either hangs out at his friends house or they play pool at the local bar. How much is too much?

Personally I feel like once a week is too much---HE SAYS, that he understood that he hung out too much in the past and has changed and limited this to just once a week. He also says that he doesn't mind me going out every once in a while, but not every week---- so there is a double standard.

I'm really trying to understand this.

GARLAND: Hey - Thank you very much for your question!

Well, I actually think "hanging out with the boys" is a big issue with a lot of folks! But, for your boyfriend to drop his hanging out from 7 days a week down to 1 day a week - I have to give him some real props. That is something that A LOT of guys have problems with! So, my hat is off to him.

As I was reading your question, I was thinking, well SHE needs to have at least one day a week to herself... then you mention that he feels you can go out "once in a while." This is where I have a problem. Frankly - fair is fair, if he can leave you with the baby for X amount of hours every Saturday, then YOU need to have X amount of hours to yourself each week. For him to think or act any other way is insane and selfish. I suggest you put that on the table for him. NOW PLEASE - DO NOT TRY TO TAKE AWAY HIS SATURDAYS AND MAKE THEM EXCLUSIVELY YOUR DAYS. Maybe if you all want to take very other Saturday and every other Sunday and have your own time, that may work and the two of you just switch the day you each take for your own.

But, back to him and his one day a week. Personally, I don't think many guys get one day a week to himself, but it's not an impossible thing to understand. Now, I don't know what he does for a living - but he may really need a day to just chill and decompress. {But, so do you - don't get me wrong} I think hangin' out [probably playing X-Box] and shootin' pool and knockin' off a few brews, is far far far from the worst thing a guy could be doing.

I strongly recommend though, that you let him know that you BOTH deserve a day to yourselves... and don't let him force you to take Wednesday nights... nothing in the world goes on, on Wednesday nights!!!

Keep in touch, let us know how it works out-

CHUCK: I think that, unlike a lot of guys that we get questions about, your guy is trying to do better. And I think that you recognize it, but you may not appreciate it. He has gone from hanging out every night to just pool and whatnot on Saturdays. He's heading in the right direction. A lot of guys go from one night to multiple nights.

But I sort of understand your issue. Without knowing what your work schedule entails, for most people, Saturday is the weekend, and you might be feeling constrained knowing that you will be spending every Saturday alone with your baby. I know you love your child, but everybody needs a break.

Tell him that he should maybe mix up the days that he goes out, to be more fair to you. And also, if you've got no problem with his weekly excursions, he should not have any problem with yours. He's totally wrong there. Also, if you haven't already, take the time and cultivate some interests of your own. Take a class. Develop a hobby. Take up pool yourself. And not for any vindictive, "I can do it, too" reason. But because it's the right thing to do. When both people in a couple are well-rounded, these complaints crop up less often.

Trust me, if this is the only problem you have with your boyfriend, you're doing okay. Am I right, ladies?


La Whisky said...

I think the next question should be whether this couple is taking any steps to be alone together (sans babe) every so often. I have to credit you guys with seeing how unfair this situation is for the woman - not to be able to take equal time off in some way each week. I agree that everyone needs a night away with their friends, but this guy could offer to switch nights every so often too.

In any case, your advice seems pretty even-handed and positive. You don't know how nice it is to have an alternative to the DC Bachelor. His stuff, though sometimes funny, just depresses me.

Chuck and Garland (What Are Men Thinking?) said...

Thanks WhiskeyPants!

I'm glad the guy in this question scaled back his hanging out time. That's hard for a lot of guys to do. Now, all he has to do is give her equal time to decompress in her own way.

DC Bachelor, huh?

We'll have to check him out.