QUESTION: Hi what are men thinking team, I am a little confused what are men thinking when they are around you for a few years nothing has changed and suddenly this year he says I am important in his life more than I know. Yet it goes for weeks having no time to even speak for a minute on the phone.
What does he want? I have tried asking this question he said we will chat, that was weeks ago. I do not push quite happy if he just pisses off if that is what he wants.
We are intimate only sees each other when he can spare an hour in a blue moon. Yet we are close when we are together. Sounds blooney to you I am sure. I am giving up. Do I have to tell him I am moving on or do I just close this door and move on?
He tends to suddenly sms me out of the blue once in awhile not yet this month. He did sms and said he did not want to lose me. Does he mean he just wants to string me for another year and another? I am a young 49 yr old, and he is a fit 54 yrs old. I am well balanced emotionally easy to live with and loving, have an independent 21 yr daughter. I do not need him at all. But I like him a great deal and we are good together. I am happy to let go but I do not understand silence and cowardly motives. Can you help?
GARLAND: Uh, okay. Thanks for the question. Honestly, I'm having a bit of a time understanding your question: You have a guy that you've known a while, then he changes but won't tell you how he's changed, but you're intimate with him and you don't need him but you're good together but he's a coward. I'm so sorry - but I think I am completely lost.
I think from what I can piece together, your man is all over the place with his feelings about you. If this is the case, then you need to sit him down alone and make him talk to you. If he keeps putting you off then tell him that you can't be bothered with him anymore. If he can find time to be 'intimate' with you, then he can find the time to be respectful enough to talk and listen to you! We only do what you ladies allow us to - REMEMBER THAT!
CHUCK: Yeah, it's kind of like that old joke: How do you keep a nitwit in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow. Ah, yes, comedy...
I'm not trying to call you a nitwit, by any means, since you are aware you're being played on some level. But his principal is the same as the joke: Lay some vague bait out for you, and see how long he can string you out for it with no payoff. You are more important in his life than you know? But he can't even spare you the time for a phone call? Come on. You know this guy's full of shit.
Simply, he wants you to endlessly wait for him to tell you what he really wants, while you give up the goodies to him on demand. This is nothing new. What I find distressing, however, is the fact that this man is 54 years old, and you are 49. One of the beliefs that I've held onto since Garland and I started this blog, was that, at some point, maybe by the time you hit the half-century mark, all these deceitful games would fall by the wayside. But obviously, in your case, they haven't. This fifty-plus man is running the same weak game as the peers of your 21-year-old daughter. Sigh.
Anyway, I'll be brief. If you are fine with continuing to see this man, only on his terms, Then by all means, do so. You're a grown woman. However, unless he makes a serious attitude adjustment, you have no reason to believe that he has stronger feelings for you than any other booty call. Your instincts say give up. Your instincts sound good to me.