Hey....again! Please let me know if I am bothering you with my everlasting problems, but your advice is really needed. SEE: "LIES, LIES AND MORE LIES"
I think that I have proven to be young and naive. I have recently moved in with my 32 yr. old boyfriend, and soon after I began to notice that one girl in particular called him a tad bit too much. Then I got a call from her, not knowing how she got my number, so I did not talk to her but I did decided to email her. She never replied. After asking my boyfriend about her, I found out that he slept with her once when we had broke up for a 2 month period and just never called her anymore ( maybe a one night stand type of thing) now she just got really attached. His story was very believable because I have found letters that she has sent to his p.o. box way back in Dec. and he never bothered to open them. So I believed him. Now heres the problem... while helping him look for his car title, I see many bills and letters made out to T XXXXXX and Jenn XXXXXX. WHAT THE HELL? Are they married, seperated, devorced? All of the papers have this address on them, he hasn't been living here for a year, but we have been together for two. So something has taken place in the past 8 months that I am very unaware of. I am not going to marry this man no time soon because I can not figure out what is going on and why this man is with me... I really take everything that you guys say into consideration so please help!!!!!
GARLAND: I don't think your questions are a 'bother' to Chuck and I. If we thought these questions and situations were a 'bother' we'd stop doing this blog. Speaking for myself, what I DO find to be a 'bother' is when someone is in a situation full of lies, deceit and unbelievable nonsense - they reach out to us - we show them, the lies, deceit and unbelievable nonsense and yet they still jump right back into the foolishness. THEN they come back and add even more insanity to the mix and ask us what is going on?
We told you before that this fellow is bad news. I wish I had a dime for every time that someone decides to screw around when they are "on a break" and then lingering foolishness stays around for weeks, months and years - you know what I mean: stalkers, E-Mailers, babies, HIV...
I'm sorry, but I can't even begin to rationalize the situation that you so willing choose to stay in. This guy is one lie after another, hidden bills that he shared with his wife that you claim not to know about, lovers that are stalking you and him, the 11 year old kid, this is just mayhem and foolishness. I believe that you are where you want to be with him, things are only going to get more bizarre and he is only going to bring you quicker and quicker into emotional ruin. That bothers me.
Hopefully Chuck will be more compassionate.
CHUCK: Now, Garland, I know it's frustrating to compose a reply to a question and try to give someone some well-thought-out advice, and then find out that it apparently wasn't heeded. But we shouldn't react badly when we find this out. After all, in this young woman's case, she's only hurt herself.
Your 32-year-old boyfriend has once again told you bold-faced lies and you are presented with proof that he is lying. And, at a certain point, it ceases to be about him, and starts to be about you. What is going on? He is obviously concealing the true nature of his relationship with this woman from you. But he's doing a pretty poor job of it. Why is he with you? Because you are young and, frankly, gullible enough to still be with him after all of this.
Leave this man. I'll repeat: LEAVE THIS MAN. Confront him about his lies or not, but leave him. If I were you, I'd confront him just so he would not live the rest of his feeling that he REALLY got over on me. I mean, he did, but he ultimately didn't.
You can take our advice or not. We take this seriously, believe it or not, but I guess in the end, it's just entertainment. Unless you've tied yourself to a man who just cannot be trusted, and can be counted on to lie at any time. It's your life. Stay in touch.
1 comment:
Seriously read the post I just did. The advice is the same GET OUT. He is abusing you and your are enabling it by not getting out. Continuing to sleep with him in the face of all these lies is putting your health at risk. Enduring the pain the deception causes and repeated pattern of lies is ABUSE. It is with words and actions not with fists - but it is abuse none the less. Stop inflicting this on yourself by putting up with him.
No matter how many times you ask the question - the answer is the same and it will not change only you can change your situation and how you let people treat you. You cannot control another's actions. Their actions are about them and where they are not about you - what is about you is what you do - what you accept. How you teach people to disrespect, abuse and use you. No if and or buts about it he does not respect you - he is lying to himself and lying to you. Stop running from the truth - your gut is telling you what they guys have said is true. You do not want to hear it so you keep asking and adding information but the pattern of fact in hope it will change. It won't and neither will he no matter what you do. Kick him to the curb.
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