Saturday

Fill in the Blan_s....


QUESTION: I think I may be in love with a guy that has every girl after him. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't go after a "pretty boy" but somehow I have damaged to develop feelings for the most wanted guy at my school. And what's difficult is that no one knows him like I know him but we aren't that close. So I'm not in the friend zone but I'm not in total oblivion. I don't know whether to confront him about my feelings or try to get over him? Which I don't know how to do (I've tried..... I made a cons list, I tried to find other guys I need ways to get over him if I'm not going to confront him about my feelings.

Thanks.

GARLAND: Thanks for your question.

I hate to be picky about words, but lets not use the phrase "confront him" - that has an oddly hostile tone to it and kinda' scares me - I'll tell you why in a minute.

I think you should try to spend some time with him and hang out a little bit before you bare your feelings to him. The reason I say this is based on your statement, "no one knows him like I know him but we aren't that close..." I'm just going to say it - THAT SOUNDS LIKE A VERY DANGEROUS ASSUMPTION ON YOUR PART. No one "really knows someone" without truly being close to them. That is simply a fact.

The thing is, ALMOST ALL PEOPLE... when they are attracted to someone, and they don't have all of the answers on this person, they fill in all of the blanks with positive and desirable traits. It's human nature and nothing to be ashamed of. Nobody looks at an attractive person they are drawn to and say to themselves, "This guy hates his mother; This guy is a drunk; This guy is a thief; This guy can't dance; This guy is bad in bed; This guy is dumb..." Nobody says that. Instead, people will assume the positive, "This guy is a great son to his mother; Ths guy loves animals; This guy wants to have kids; This guy is awesome in bed; This guy will never cheat on me." From what you've given me, this guy is probably very popular and desirable because he's good looking and that's reasonable I think. But what I want you to understand is that you are probably thinking the exact same thing that other young ladies are thinking about him... "I know him better than anybody else. While he and I aren't friends, I still know him better than these other girls." So try to keep your perspective and don't set yourself up.

I could wrap this comment up in a bow at this point, but I want to leave you with your eyes wide open. If you ignore what I say, and you go pour your heart out to him without trying to truly learn more about him - you might find yourself played and left empty handed. If this guy is a "Pretty Boy" as you say, then he knows the women like him and guys that know women like them, tend to use it to their advantage and their advantage alone. Yes, I'm talking about sex mostly... sex and money. If these highly desireable guys want to have sex or have women buying them things, then a lot of times they'll make it happen and they'll try to mask their goals as if they have mutual feelings for their marks [targets]. Please don't think I'm saying all "Pretty Boys" are dogs and underhanded in their dealings - but you need to see the potential downside to these strong and somewhat presumptive feelings that you're having toward this guy.

Now, back to "confronting him." Just briefly I want to take you back to when I was in high school. In my Senior year I had a young lady basically "confront" me with her feelings. I didn't really know her that well and we only had one class together, but she pushed up on me very aggressively and was basically saying, "So why don't you like me?" This was only 60 seconds after she told me that she had a major crush on me. I was speechless. It was very awkward and uncomfortable and I was basically creeped out by her for the rest of the school year. I never went out with her and never had the desire to. In her mind she had filled in all of the blanks about me and painted this picture that simply wasn't me, including the idea of me being her boyfriend. She wasn't a bad person, but she came across so wrong that I had no interest in her. DON'T DO THIS TO YOURSELF!
Take your time and slowly try to get to know him and spend casual, friendly time around him, even if this means hanging out with other people. Really get to know him by his own actions and the things he says and then, down the road, gently let him know that you like him. But do not push up on him and creep him out - you WILL regret it.

Best of luck to you!!!

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