Tuesday

So what's new, Mama?

QUESTION: Okay, so Me and this guy we were great friends and then we crossed that line. Well we saw each other for about 10 months but we had an understanding and kept things quiet. I guess we were in a relationship with no defined title. After about 11 months he tells me he can't do this anymore...he doesn't want to hurt me  but he doesn't think he could ever feel the way I feel about him and blah blah blah...so I was heartbroken. It's been a month...and he sends me this text " I hope you've been well.." . I didn't know how to respond or if I should what does this mean? I told him we couldn't be friends Bc I likes him too much and I needed time and space. Is he trying to be friends with me or is this just a bs way of making himself feel better a month later?

GARLAND: It could actually mean either one. My eyebrow is raised though because he's the one that broke things off.

While the intent of this blog has never been for us, well now - me, to speak for all men or to pretend to be a mind reader, I do want to share what I think is a fairly typically perspective from myself and my fellow Men.

As I said, he broke things off and this was after almost a of year being Friends with Bennies.  Now, if he had caught feelings for you, I think he would have wanted to step things up and make your relationship more open and public.  But, saying he'll never feel the same about you, sounds like a safe way to leave you and move on to something or someone new.  I will give him a few points for not continuing to be intimate with you while moving on possibly to a new partner as well.  So at least he ended what you all were doing when he felt the time had come, a lot of guys may not have done that.

So what does the quaint text mean? Probably one of three things: (1) He's thinking about you and genuinely wants to say hello and just see how you are. (2) He's feeling guilty and wants a subtle chance to clean up his goodbye so he doesn't seem like such a dirtbag. (3) He could be missing the intimacy and wants to try and re-light the flame.  Keep in mind that there are exactly 3.278 other reasons why he could have sent the text, I just went with what I think are the top three.

I can't get any closer to an idea because I was only given a fixed amount of information, but I'd recommend that if.. IF... you decide to reply.  Less is More!  Be brief with your answer.  Don't go into a lot of detail about missing him, or being angry, or being lonely, or being happy, or anything like that.  Tell him something positive and short... "Hey, I'm good. Nice to hear from you." or "I'm doing well. I hope you are too. Take care."

I like the latter one the best.  Polite with some closure.  Make him decide if he wants to talk more, or if he wants to let things stay closed.  Regardless of what you want or what he wants, I recommend very slow and very measured communications.  Maybe you want him back, maybe you don't, maybe you want to be Friends with Bennies again, or maybe you want more, whatever you want - HE is reaching out to you, YOU have the upper hand, just like in poker - hold your cards close to the vest and don't tip your hand until all of the chips are on the table. Understand what, if anything, you want from this new interaction with him, understand what he may or may not be willing to give, and move very slowly, don't rush anything.  Good luck!   

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