So, What's Up Doc?

Dear Chuck and Garland.

While I was browsing through the internet, I came across your website and thus decides to drop you guys an email to seek your advices.

I am a 22 year old undergrad, I have been dating a dentist who is 12 years my senior for about 2 months already.

I know it's not right, but we kinda break the rule of having sex on the first date. At first I thought it was a one night stand, but the we went out a few times after that day and my feelings for him grew stronger..

Here's the thing, when I asked him what is our status now, he replied, "not yet dear, let's take it slowly..." On one occasion, he even said, "don't love him too much, save some for the future..."

But when we were out dating, he would gladly introduce me as his girlfriend. He is totally different when we were out dating..

A few days ago, he had high fever, so I called him several times in the day to ask about his status, but most of the time he did not answer the call. Once he even canceled the call and claimed that he was with his family so he could not picked up the call.

I'm seriously confused. What is he thinking? Sometimes he is hot and sometimes he is cold. I'm not sure if he is serious, and that what should I do now? Sometimes he makes me feel that he is only with me for sex, and nothing else...

Please advise, what should I do now? And what is he thinking?

GARLAND: Thanks for your question!

I don't think he's hot and cold per se, I just think that you are looking for and expecting him to be in love with you. Sex on the first date is what it is - SEX ON THE FIRST DATE. It's not a commitment and neither is his sticking around for a few more dates.

He's 34 and you're 22, so hopefully he's a bit wiser at this point in life when it comes to relationships and how he acts in them; I think that's why his answers are somewhat vague yet encouraging you to stay patient, enjoy the ride and see where you end up.  Calling you 'his girlfriend' when he's out, is just that - you probably ARE his girlfriend. To many guys, having a girlfriend is not the same as being IN LOVE with a particular woman. Sure, some of us love our girlfriends, but many of us 'care a lot' about our girlfriends, we 'like them a lot' we are monogamous with them, but they are NOT our wives yet... and hopefully we all LOVE our wives. But, don't despair if he doesn't say he loves you and he doesn't 'define' your relationship beyond "We're in a good place," or "You're my special lady."

If he shows you respect when you are out and when you are together, and you don't get any major red flags, then your relationship is probably okay.  A 34 year old guy, regardless of his profession, who dates a woman 12 years younger than him is probably very cautious and may worry a little bit about what his friends may think, so keep that in mind as you move forward.  Don't put a gun to his head to make him use "The L Word", be a little patient but don't stay so long that you feel slighted or stagnant.  Good luck, and I hope things move in positive direction for you - where ever that may be. 


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