QUESTION: I'm a 25-year-old woman who's having the time of her life. I've met a wonderful guy who is everything a woman could want, but there's one problem--I like to get my freak on with different people. I get bored after I've been with one guy for more than three months. Does that make me a HO? My friends say yes, but I think I'm just playing the fields like the guys. I used to tell the men I was with that they weren't the only one. Some could accept it, but most couldn't so I stopped telling them the truth and now leave them in the dark about the others. My friends say I'm playing a dangerous game, but I'm not doing anything men haven't done for years. What do you think?
GARLAND: Playing the field - sexually - because men have done it for years, isn't the best of reasons to do so. We men have done some pretty stupid sh*t over the course of history and I'd hate to see you tryin' to keep pace.
If you want to get your swerve on, freakuently, do it because it's YOUR THING, don't do it just because guys do.
Is it dangerous? Yeah, sure. Physically - condoms can break; that cute guy could give you herpes simplex 57, anything could happen. Emotionally - you or any your lovers could catch some serious feelings, and sometimes unreturned advances could lead to stalkers, violence, you name it. So, letting a lot of men into your bed, no matter what your mindset, could be dangerous. This holds true for MEN and WOMEN.
Now, Are you a ho? Some folks would definitely say yes. 90% of the guys I know would say 'yes.'But I'm not going to judge you. That's not my place. As far as I'm concerned, you just seem to be a woman that likes sex with different guys. Society likes to label women for so much stuff, especially where sex is concerned. You're 25 and single - I say handle your business, just be safe and smart. The funny thing about it is that plenty of guys would say to their boyz, "Oh yeah, she's a ho. She's a trick... blah blah blah." But I guarantee that the minute they can be alone with you, and get some of that lovin' - all that "ho" talk is going right out the freakin' window. No pun intended.
I do want to add this though: I want you to look down the road 10, 15, 20 years and see what it is you want relationship-wise. If you see yourself married, monogamous and happy, keep in mind that you don't want to lose the part of you that can commit to just one man. If you get so used to all these different lovers and new stuff that comes with them, after a while that becomes all that you can relate to in a relationship. As soon as you begin to feel commitment sneaking up on you, you'll find a way to sabotage it.
Do your thing, don't let your thing do you!
CHUCK: The problem is not that you like to get your freak on. Let a freak be a freak, I say. The problem is that you also want to play at having a relationship, too. That can be a dangerous game.
If your boyfriend doesn't have the same understanding about your relationship that you do (because YOU HAVEN"T TALKED TO HIM), there could be some ugly repercussions if he catches you with one of your playmates.
It sounds as though you are caught between what society (i.e., your friends) want for you (monogamy, stability, etc.), and what you want for yourself (hot, sweaty, uncommitted sex with someone you can ravish and... Excuse me, I need a drink of cold water all of a sudden). That's why you reach for the easy, if accurate, justification ("I'm just doing what men do!")
Let your boyfriend know what's going on with you. If he's not with it, he'll move on. You're just twenty-five, so I'm not gonna tell you it's wrong to sow your wild oats. But I'm going to ask you to do two things: Protect yourself. And acknowledge that the day may come when you might feel differently about monogamy.