Busted by MySpace!

QUESTION: About two weeks ago just after Thanksgiving I found out this guy that I am in love with and have been in a long distance relationship has been seeing another woman. I found out when i saw a picture of him and another woman on myspace. She also had notes sent to him proclaiming her love yada yada. When he contacted me I let him know I knew. He tried to downplay everything so I tried a different approach. I contacted her through myspace to let her know what the deal was. He later calls me demanding that I stop contacting her. My question basically is what would lead him to contact me to reason with me about telling her the truth. How could he expect to reason with me after what he had done?
- Thanks

GARLAND: Thank you for your question.

I think you're looking way too deep into his call to you. You ask why is he trying to reason with you to convince you to stop calling her. Regardless of how the conversation went over the phone, he wasn't trying to 'reason' with you about anything. He was trying to get you to stop blowin' his game up. Obviously you were cutting him off from the sex with you [at least I hope] and now you were starting to interfere with his fall back luvin'.

He knew he had nothing more coming from you, but at least in his opinion, he could tell the other woman that you were some crazy chic that got a hold of his cellphone or something and you were stalking him and just plain nuts. That way he could still get in between the sheets with her. He had to shut you down before the other woman started to believe that you were not crazy. Your ex is covering his bases, nothing more nothing less.

He really doesn't plan on reasoning anything out with you, so don't fall for any of the non-sense. Don't let him flip the script and have YOU feeling guilty for living so far away, bottom line is your ex is just cheating on you and he doesn't want to lose BOTH of you. One is okay, but not both - and that is assuming the one other woman is the ONLY one he's messin' with. You may be one of four, five or six.


CHUCK: Garland is 100% on point here. This weasel is in pure self-preservation mode, trying to salvage what he can out of this situation he's created.

Presuming that he had not been truthful with her about you, what he's probably telling Ms. Myspace is something like this: "Aw, baby, I'm sorry that b---- contacted you. You know who she is? That's some girl I kicked it with for a minute last year and she think she's my girlfriend. She's on some stalker shit. Let me know if she calls you again. I'ma get a TRO." That's a reliable fall-back for dogs who get caught, if they think their girlfriends are gullible enough to go for it.

But the problem with that line of crap is, if Myspace Woman talks to you at all, she will find out that you're not some stalker, but someone who was trying to put her up on the deceitful creep who she's having a long distance relationship with. And he can't have THAT. Hence the call to "reason" with you.

Unless you're bound to get revenge on this guy (and who am I to say that that's wrong?), I would take this opportunity to completely withdraw from this mess. Don't contact him, don't contact her. Just be thankful you got out when you did and chalk the whole thing up to experience. But if the other person contacts you, if you can, answer her questions. She's just as much a victim as you.


Shai said...

I agree guys. LOL. As women some of us overanalyze the minute and ignore obvious red flags by reasoning them away. I have to say some of us fanatasize too much and don't deal in reality.

I get why homeboy called. However, she has opened herself up and she wants things to be different, hence reading more into what he did. See we tend judge behavior how why we do things, that is most people, instead of evaluating it more objectively.

I have been in a similiar situation. It feels awful and all I wanted to do was avoid pain or inflict it. I had to realize and learn that if it ain't working don't work it and be honest with yourself.

introspectivegoddess said...

Thank you guys so much for responding to my post. I really appreciate the feedback. You guys are great. I am still hurt but I am moving on. It is his loss. *Hugs* You guys are like big brothers I wish I had!!