Tired, or Just Confused?

QUESTION: Hi Chuck, Garland. Have you heard of this website called, Tired Black Man ( It will be out in the theatres soon. The owner of the site is suggesting that a white woman is their best option in finding a loving, stable relationship, blah, blah blah. Please give me your take on that site and explain to me why would a brotha would believe there isn't a good sistah out there who can also provide a loving, stable relationship with them?

CHUCK: Having taken a cursory look at the site, let me tell some of you what it's about. This is a site to promote a movie by some guy named Tim Alexander. The title of the movie is Diary of a Tired Black Man, and as far as I can determine, it seems to be an independent movie opening in '07 about a Black man who has grown tired of of dealing with "angry Black women," and is seeking another alternative. From the tone of the material, I think it's supposed to be a comedy. Hmmm.

This dude is, of course, fully within his rights to make a movie about this subject. Lord knows, there are plenty of other people making money depicting and commenting on the supposed rift between Black men and women. Not me and Garland, though. NOBODY'S PAYING US.

There's always money in controversy, and Alexander's obviously courting it. The Washington Post Sunday Outlook piece will almost write itself. I find some things about his point of view faulty, though. Are Black women angry? Sometimes I don't think they're angry enough. Black men often treat them like marks for their sexual con games. Hip hop culture totally treats them as objects, to be lusted after and despised. They are either misrepresented or under-represented in the mainstream media. Where's the Black feminist screeds? The marching in the streets?

What some Black women are, that I think this guy misreads, is jaded. By a certain age (around 30), they've heard and seen and had so much bullshit perpetrated on them that they can be resistant to an approach from a guy with no agenda. And they get mistaken for angry. Also, there is a disturbing contingent of women who, almost deliberately, make the wrong choices in men. You know who you are. We've gotten your questions.

A brotha would come to believe that there isn't a good sistah out there for him the same way a lot of women feel there isn't a guy for them. It's rough out there. But it's not hopeless, folks. Just stop freakin' generalizing about the opposite sex so much. As for this guy's movie, based on the site, I don't know if it's for me. Check it out for yourself. Let us know what you think. As for movies, see Dreamgirls. Or Children of Men.

GARLAND: Judging from this trailer, I agree with Chuck that this guy Tim Alexander is trying to cash in on his independently filmed, self generated contraversy. He's at the start of his 15 seconds of fame and he's gonna' ride it for all it's worth. Actually, he may not even believe what he is trying to sell. Almost like George Lucas most likely doesn't believe in Darth Vader or Luke Skywalker - they just put money in his pocket.

But let me look deeper at this for a second. I think Alexander is going hard and heavy for the obvious hype and anger this film is going to generate. He's calling Black women out on false charges and on charges that are going to get his film and his name some serious attention.

I think he is sadly selling Black women down the river on this one, though. And that angers me. But, you know what - the attention [in my opinion] shouldn't be focused on this man and this movie that will leave theaters and go straight to DVD so quick your head will spin. The attention to the degradation of The Black Woman should be focused on the thousands of hip hop vidoes that have been [and will be] made presenting and displaying Black women as mindless half-naked play-toys. To me, this guy, Alexander, is a meaningless, simpleminded, disloyal fellow that will be off most peoples radar before the days start getting long again. The real villians are the video producers that create hours and hours and hours of music videos seen all day, everyday by thousands of young, horny, [and often narrow-minded] young males. These guys see these beautiful Black women falling all over people like 50 Cent, Snoop Dogg, The Game, R. Kelly and others and they start to believe that this is all Sista's are good for. Being wet, being half naked, and bouncing around like sex-starved robots.

But uh, I digress.

I think this movie is going to be far less than people think. It may be a comedy like Chuck said, but when its all said and done - nobody will remember this movie six months after its released. 7 of Tim Alexander's 15 seconds of fame are ALREADY gone.


Lori said...

Chuck and Garland, I'm a black woman and I agree that there are some angry black women out there who shoot themselves in the relationship foot with their poor attitudes that are the result of their upbringing and past experiences. However, there are also a lot of angry white women, Hispanic women, Asian women, etc. who fall into the same category. I've said on numerous occasions that I HATE, HATE, HATE black men who feel the need to degrade black women to justify their decision to date white women. To black men, I say if you want to date a white woman, have the balls to just say that's your preference for whatever reason; don't diss black women. It's not necessary to make statements like "Black women are too angry," or "Black women are too materialistic" to justify your decision and make yourself feel better, because you haven't dated every black woman out there. To black women, I say, "Get off the 'there's no good black men out there' pity party. There are still a lot of black men interested in dating black women, but it can be hard to find them. If you can't find one, expand your horizons and consider other races, because good men come in all forms and categories.

Also, as one of the women Alexander refers to who grew up without a father, I strongly disagree with his BS about all of us being angry because of hearing our female family members diss black men. I admit that I am independent, aggressive, somewhat bossy at times, and confrontational when needed. I apologize for none of those characteristics, because they've made me the successful black woman that I am today who can choose which good man, black or otherwise, I deal with (I have no time for fools who want to play games). However, I'm a multi-faceted personality. In addition to all of the above, I'm also very kind, loving, and supportive of my man.

To Alexander and every black man and woman out there who make stereotypical statements I say stop the divisive behavior. As black people, we have enough strikes against us already without having our own race adding more fuel to the fire and supporting other races' negative views of us. Instead of focusing on crap like why black men prefer white women, how about focusing on serious issues like why the wealthiest African-American county in the U.S. (Prince George's County, MD) has some of the worst schools. How about focusing on why we have no really strong black leaders as we did in the past. How about focusing on why we have so much black-on-black crime and how we can turn the trend around. Those issues are more important to me than the shade of the woman a black man chooses to put his pecker in.

Chuck and Garland (What Are Men Thinking?) said...

AMEN - Sista'!!!

I agree 100% with everything you said.

I kinda' forgot to mention the blatant and foolish generalizing this Alexander fellow is doing. Sadly, so MANY Black folks like to drop such broad and ignorant declarations of the "lack" of GOOD Black Men and Women.

Like you said, if you want to date outside your race - fine - GO DO IT! Knock your socks off!!! But don't look back and try to put down our men and women. Just go on about your business and S.T.F.U.!!!


Anonymous said...

Eh, pardon my language, but the movie "ain't shit." I looked at the clip and it's just a laughable mess. The acting is poor and it looks like something someone made with a home camcorder. This movie is not going to make an impression on anyone, if it comes out in theaters like the site claims.

I don't care if the man chooses to date outside his race (I've dated guys outside my race, no biggie), but to make the sweeping generalization about all Black women is beyond ridiculous.

Anonymous said...

Whew!! I was beginning to think all black men had lost their minds. I heard about this movie awhile ago, and was upset by it the first time. I am happy to hear at least two black men speak out against it. Every other brotha I have talked to about it, supports it whole-heartedly, as if Black women have been beating up on black men for the last two decades and they are tired of it...are they serious??

I've been stopping in every now and then, and love the advice you give to women. I never think you guys are too harsh, I am honestly surprised at how positive you guys are, even when dishing out "tough love". Keep up the good work!!


Chuck and Garland (What Are Men Thinking?) said...


Thanks for leaving us a comment.

What I've seen of this movie online leads me to believe that even a "home camcorder" is a stretch. This guy just needed some money for bills. That's all.

He'll probably get the cash and a little bit more. Look for this movie on DVD in the dollar store by Christmas.


Chuck and Garland (What Are Men Thinking?) said...

Thank you for the kind words EMERGINGPHOENIX.

I think with Chuck and I, we just believe you can find "positive" in many things, especially in relationships. Sometimes the positive is in the love you can have, and sometimes the positive is in getting rid of someone that is bringing you down. We're just glad we can shed a little light on the often confusing male psyche!

With regards to this movie - I'm pretty disappointed to hear that a lot of Brothers seem to be embracing it. I hope the women in their lives take notice of their feelings and react accordingly. They could save themselves a lot of future drama with these guys.


Rudy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Rudy said...

Hello Chuck, Garland. Thank you very much for answering my question. I wanted to get some insight from a male perspective.

I agree, Alexander is trying to make a profit and the only suckers are those insecure and emotionally inmature black men and weak-minded black women. Thank God it not all of us.

In my humble opinion, these men are not Tired nor confused, They are just Angry. They've been in bad relationships or they can't even get someone at all or they see black women prospering while they can hardly get/keep their heads above water. Instead of them taking an introspective look at their lives to see if they are the problem, they choose to blame black women. Their behavior is vindictive and very mean-spirited.

Most, if not all of the time, the problem is usually with the individual, not the other person, because you attract what you are.

but I digress.

Well anyway, thanks again for answering my question.


G.Cook said...

The director Tim Alexander never said that a white woman was better in fact in an interview that I did with him he sad he would have no woman, you can listen to my interview with Tim Aleaxnder here:

George Cook

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