I Love Football (but wait a minute...)

QUESTION: Met a man 39yrs old and he pressured me to have sex. Because i didn't we broke up. Then we got back together and we did have sex. Initially we'd do it every weekend..that's when we'd see each other. Then i noticed he started skipping weekends. We moved in together and now NOTHING. He talks a BIG game BUT NEVER any action. I don't get it. Just don't get it. i mean we will go for months. Once I TRIED to initiate and he said he was watching football. I've sent smoke signals up and he just doesn't respond. Always having excuses.....his back hurts. Meanwhile he's dancing and driving all over town. But when night falls or he is in the house.....his back hurts. I KNOW he is faking. If it isn't the back he is tired. Ain't no man too tired for sex....or are they? What is the deal? What is he thinking? Help!!

GARLAND: Thanks for your question. It sounds very interesting.

Assuming that you haven't left out anything significant, and based on what you're saying, I'm not getting a good vibe from boyfriend here. He pushes you for sex, walks away when you balk, comes back when you give in, cuts you off and THEN moves in. Sounds like you've gotten played.

Men know that you ladies, for the most part, form a big emotional bond once sex is put on the table. I bet he wanted you to form that bond so he could get a place to stay and somebody to either cover the bills or at least split them with. When you didn't go for the sex, he walked away - probably counting the days until you called him and told him you were ready. He got you to form that emotional bond and believe that you may have had something long-term setting up, and now you're more of a Number Two Big Mama and less of a Number One Hot Mama.

As for being too tired for sex, it happens - once in awhile. But NOT all the time. And as far as the hurting back goes, a hurting back won't kill him when he's on the bottom!!! Dancing and driving and hanging out all hours, but too busy to be with you... I don't mean to be cruel, honestly, but you have been taken advantage of.

And as far as football goes - I'm a big football fan and I have seen some amazing games, but none that would make me turn my lady away - after all, isn't that why they invented the VCR?

CHUCK: I don't know that this guy got you to move in with him just to trick you and thwart your sexual advances. I mean, he could have found a guy to move in with and completely avoided the chance of any sexual demands... I guess. I'd like some more info. Are you paying the majority of the household bills? Apart from sex, do you spend any time together?

Based on the info you've provided in your question, I would have to say that your relationship seems to be barely on life support. You are not getting what you want out of this relationship, and apparently, neither is he. He seems to see this as an exclusively domestic arrangement, when he sold you on something else. A man can be too tired for sex, hard as it may be to believe, but his other activities (dancing, excessive driving) make that excuse sound very suspicious.

As hard as it is to accept, he just may not be attracted to you anymore. Or, and it's such a cliche I hesitate to suggest it, he's got somebody else. I don't know, you don't know. What you need to do is confront him with your concerns, and get him to tell you what he sees your relationship as being. Lapsed lovers? Roomies? Get him to say it. If he, as the old song says, forgot to be your lover, set him straight and both of you can commit to do better in the future. If he doesn't want to even try, well, hopefully you're on a month-to-month lease, 'cause you need to go your separate ways.


SimplEnigma said...

"And as far as football goes - I'm a big football fan and I have seen some amazing games, but none that would make me turn my lady away - after all, isn't that why they invented the VCR?"

I've had this discussion with a couple of my male friends who are die-hard football fans...the general consensus is that a good game trumps a roll in the hay because "you'll be there when the game is done and a replay is just not the same". Needless to say they're both single. LOL.

But I'm with Garland on the other stuff...we've all gotten played at some point. :(

Anonymous said...

You need to do what I did before when a guy I was dating put me 2nd after a basketball game. . . DUMP HIM!!!!! I mean, I know I can't always be first in everything in my man's life, because there are times when my need may be trivial compared to someone else's more important emergency, but you should NEVER, EVER come after a sports event. That's just plain crazy.