QUESTION: I have acquired a "special friend." We fooled around about two weekends ago and it was GRRREEAT!! The only thing is he is very indifferent to me. Not to say I want him to pull out all the stops or jump for joy when he sees me but he's just kind of ambivalent towards me. I must say I dont know all that much about him so that may just be his personality. However, I notice that when it comes to his ex, he seems quite sprung. I dont know much about the situation but she has a 4 month old kid with someone else yet he has all these poems on his (myspace page) about how much he loves her and how he needs her in his life yada yada. It seems really awkward to me. I mean due to some little spat that they had, he refused me what I thought would be a weekly supply of (well you know.....) so I mean should I just cut my losses with this guy and buy a vibrator or what?
GARLAND: Thanks for the question.
Uh... how do I answer this? Well, I believe in being honest. To this "special friend" of yours - you are just something to do. I think he just needed some sex, and YOU happened to be there. I'm glad you enjoyed it - but he just needed something to do for the weekend.
You said it yourself, he's INDIFFERENT towards you and AMBIVALENT towards you... HIS ACTIONS ARE TELLING YOU that you mean nothing to him. Don't pretend that you do. You are better off spending that energy jogging, cooking, doing homework, or watching paint dry.
HE IS TELLING YOU that the only person he wants is his ex. If he is leaving sappy love poetry all over his My Space page for his ex, and telling her how much he loves her and needs her, HE IS TELLING YOU that you are just his Jenny B. Readybooty. So, accept that this is all you mean to him.
And by the way- You say that you don't want him to pull out all the stops for you or jump for joy when he sees you. Tell me why the hell you are so damn willing to settle for less than you deserve? Just why in the hell are you willing to give your body [and your health too, if you didn't use a condom] to a man and just be so accepting of being treated like a bug on the windshield. Let me give you a bit of advice here: A MAN WILL ONLY TREAT YOU THE WAY YOU ACCEPT BEING TREATED. IF YOU ACCEPT BEING TREATED LIKE SHIT, THEN YOU WILL BE TREATED AS SUCH. IF YOU ONLY ACCEPT BEING TREATED LIKE A CLASSY LADY, THEN THAT IS THE WAY YOU WILL BE TREATED.
I hope you look in the mirror and see a woman that deserves much more and much better than the clown you are stressing over. Good luck at the vibrator shop.
By the way - that 4 month old kid is his.
CHUCK: Yeah, um... to the vibrator shop it is. Unless... You are content to accept the leftovers of a person who is really not checking for you. He will have sex with you when he wants, but if it's affection you're looking for, and not ambivalence, you should just keep stepping.
I feel that so much time between men and women is wasted by people not knowing what they want, and being dishonest with each other. If this guy had told you that all he wanted was a sex partner, and that he was emotionally unavailable otherwise, then you could have decided whether to go for it or not with open eyes. But even though you state that you enjoyed the sex, you are apparently looking for something more emotionally. This guy ain't for you.
I won't really go into the pathetic-ness of this man posting his weepy love poetry on MySpace (as if that EVER worked to win someone back). But in the end, you deserve a man who going to be all about you, and not just one who'll throw you a screw when he's frustrated and horny. Find the door with this guy, and if you can, lock it behind you. And don't forget to buy batteries.