Saturday

Let's Be Fake Friends


QUESTION: Hi guys!

What does "we should still be friends" mean, anyway?

My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me almost a month ago. He said some pretty mean things and I decided that if he (a generally great guy) could be so upset with me as to say them, he must be being honest and so I didn't call him back or talk to him again (except to give him his things when he came by to pick them up).

Then about 3 days ago, he called me but I missed his call and so he immediately texted me with basically, "I hope you've been well and I want you to know that you'll always have my friendship. Please take care." Then, he called my twice the next day but I was unable to answer . I called him back but no answer from him. Then he calls this morning and I answered and he wanted to make sure I got his text and that I knew that "even tho we're no longer a couple, I don't see why we can't still be friends?" He then proceeded to ask me about what I've been up to for the last 3 weeks and fill me in on what he's been doing. I was torn between chewing him out and actually trying to act like a friend. I took the high road. But all day, I've been trying to figure out what this means? Is he serious or is he trying to ease back into things?

Any input? If you need more history, I'll be more than happy to divulge. I'm just trying to keep it short and sweet.


GARLAND: Thanks for your question. And thanks for keeping it short and sweet!

This is an odd question for me, because I usually see things in black and white - if he turned from a "great guy" into a rude and thoughtless jackass - then let him take his "fake friendship" and choke on it. Twice.

I'm afraid that I might end up there, though.

The whole "let's be friends concept" after a nasty argument or a nasty cussin' out is usually a self serving move to ease the mind of the offending party. I have no idea why your once Great boyfriend flipped the script and verbally laid waste to you - I'm sorry you had to go through that... a Better Man would have just broken off your relationship without making you out to be a bad person or without angry and insults.

"Let's be friends" means, I assume, one of two things -

1) "I need you to still be a phone call away in case I need a booty-call when my new lady is treating me bad."

2) "I need to try and look like a bigger man for being magnanimous enough to offer my friendship to you, even though I verbally trashed you and our relationship a few weeks ago. You should consider yourself lucky that I still want to keep in touch with you."

I started to say "lets be friends" could mean one of three things - but I don't think that is true. That Third thing would have been "I'm sorry." But I'm not going to sell that nonsense to you! If he was sorry, and a decent man, he would come to you and sit down and apologize - he would say the words, "I'm sorry. I was wrong. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings." He wouldn't slurk back into the picture with a few text messages acting like all is well and playing 'catch up' from the last three weeks. He sounds like a very immature person - you are probably in for a lot more emotional drama from this kid.

By the way... if he turned from a "great guy" into a rude and thoughtless jackass - then let him take his "fake friendship" and choke on it. Twice.

CHUCK: Rule #1 in a Break-up: Never say anything you can't take back.
Apparently, this man did. He broke up, and decided to unload on you. Realizing (belatedly) that he may have hurt your feelings, I think that he decided that he would try to extend some half-assed olive branch to you. So he tells you that he would like to be friends, and maybe he counts on you being forgiving enough to still talk to him. So he comes back at you, but doesn't even care to broach an apology. That takes some nerve, I'll give it to him.
There's a good chance that he's trying to mend fences, on the off chancehe can talk you into some casual sex sometime in the future. Then you can be "friends with benefits." How lucky for you. I'm being sarcastic.
You never said how you feel about this offer, going forward. Do you think he's sincere? Do you still want to be his friend? If you do, hell, even if you don't, I think that he deserves to hear a few things from you. First of all, you should probably let him know that you expect better of your friends for them to say the kinds of hurtful things that he said to you. And to think that he could just call you up a few weeks later, and act like everything's copacetic was a miscalculation on his part. Basically, voice your ambivalance with this whole let's-be-buddies thing.
But you know what? Do you have a lot of friends? Are they good friends? Do you feel the need to maintain some half-assed, ex-boyfriend friends? If not, please feel free to ignore the next text you get from that one.

1 comment:

FALEN AKA THUNDERCAT said...

omg I'm so going with answer #1! Some guys think they are slick and try to pull the "friends" care when they are bord, lonely, are need some familiar sex...I could be wrong in that situation, but from my experience that's how I see it :D