QUESTION: I have been with this guy for about three years off and on. It is maybe a booty call , however for one reason or another we can't seem to call it quits. We are able to communicate very well and are very good friends talking about kids, relationships , work etc... But still we manage to end up in bed. As we see each other we don't date other people, however if one does we tell the other which makes the other go out on a date with someone just because. What is he thinking?? Am I really only a booty call?? Thank You. Confused in Watauga..
GARLAND: Hmmm, very interesting question.
You may not be just a booty call... I guess. Is there REALLY a definition for a "Booty Call?" I really don't know how to answer this. You sound like you two have reasonable chemistry outside of the bedroom and obviously decent chemistry IN the bedroom.
I think you should take a little time and figure out what it is YOU want from this guy? Keep in mind that if you two have this strong sexual chemistry but you don't want to date him or be monogamous to him, he will still be around if you meet somebody special. You don't want to find yourself in the situation where you meet a good guy that wants to be your one-and only, and then Mr. 'Three Years and Counting' shows up on your doorstep with a box of condoms, a bowl of lemon Jell-O and a pair of furry handcuffs. My point is - make sure that you have an emotional OUT with this situation, I wouldn't want you to become so intimately tied to this guy that you can't have a successful relationship AFTER him.
Now, lets assume that you may want a relationship with him. Then I truly think you should sit down with him - somewhere without a bedroom - and ask him about his thoughts on a one-on-one serious relationship with you. That's really the only way you all are going to know whats what.
CHUCK: Confused, don't sell yourself short. You are not a booty call. You have a relationship with this man. It's just a superficial relationship.
You have sex, you say you're good friends, you communicate well. For God's sake, you even show the consideration to tell one another if you're seeing someone else. I know married couples who don't show each other THAT consideration!
What I guess makes it superficial is that you have failed to define this relationship to each other or yourself. And because you haven't, your social conditioning has led you to feel guilty about it. Listen: There is NOTHING wrong with your relationship, as you have defined it here. You are two adults who enjoy each other's company, and, if you manage to fall in bed a lot, who does it hurt?
What is he thinking? Men aren't that complicated. He's probably not thinking. By that I mean, he probably enjoys the time he spends with you, and if you're not trying to put a label on things now, he's not going to either. You're making things easy for him.
That said, in general, women are not content to just let relationships flow in this manner indefinitely. And because of your guilt concerning all that good, uncomplicated sex, you're going to want to have "The Talk" soon, and ask where your relationship is going. There's nothing wrong with that, either. But you've known this man for a while. Consider any clues from your past conversations to determine how this man is going to respond to this talk. Like the lawyers say: Don't ask a question you don't know the answer to.
Good luck, Hope we've been of some help to you.