QUESTION: My husband and his best friend get way too personal about myself and his friends wife! For example, his friends wife got Clamidia and told my husband, that is way too personal to be telling your friends! Another I've just had my first yeast infection from taking antibiotics and I'm so insecure about it because it's never happened before! I can't trust my husband not to tell his friend! His friend is no longer allowed over my house because I told him I do not feel comfortable being around him. God knows what that guy knows about me! I have ZERO personal life!
GARLAND: Hi there - since you really didn't ask us a question, I'm going to assume you want our opinion on your husband.
I'm going to do a 180 here for the first time I can recall. This answer is my REVISED answer to your E-Mail. I did one previously and posted it for 24 hours, but a day has given me a new perspective.
Since you didn't give me a whole lot to go on, I have to make some broad assumptions.
Initially, I thought your husband might be childishly putting your business out in the street, but you really didn't give me enough to get a conviction on that point, so I have to aquit him.
As far as the best friend's wife's Chlamydia goes, I thought about that. His best friend may have told your husband that information because MOST married women don't just GET Chlamydia. His best friend was probably shocked and probably came to your husband for support or advice. I don't think that is too crazy. If my wife came to me with some BS like that, I might go to Chuck and say, "Look man, I don't know if I need to get a divorce or what, my wife has blah blah blah. What do you think?" Would HE tell his wife? I don't know - maybe. Should your husband have told you? I don't know, and you didn't give the details around this revelation. It is a stunning piece of information, so maybe keeping it to himself was just too hard to do.
Now, as far as banning his best friend from the house goes... that's a little personal to me. I had a best friend of over 25 years who was just like my brother, and then all of a sudden, out of the blue - he completely dropped off the grid as far as I'm concerned. He stopped calling, E-Mailing, communicating, everything, for absolutley no reason. It has been over 4 years and I still have no clue why he just ended our friendship. While I can't prove it, I have always wondered if his wife played a role in his actions toward me. I can only advise that you don't push a wedge too deeply between them, you may lose out in the long run.
I strongly suggest that you tell your husband your concerns about what he does and what he is allowed to share with his BFF where you are concerned. I think that if he is pretty reasonable, he will respect your wishes. If he tells you that, "Bobby is my homeboy, we don't have any secrets." or "You're trippin, Baby. Bobby ain't gonna' tell anybody our business." Then you have a Counselor-Grade problem with your husband. Either way, share your concerns, you might be surprised that your worries are unfounded, or you may have your eyes opened. Either way, you can't sit back and assume. Good luck!
CHUCK: Agreeing with Garland here. We need just a little more context and details than what you're giving us here. You seem to think that this information was passed along frivolously, like, "Hey, you won't believe my wife, man. You know what she had the nerve to do? She brought a SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASE in my house, man! No, Chlamydia. That's some nerve, right?"
I think it may have been a little more serious than that. I hope, at least. That kind of news can lead to a serious crossroads for a marriage, and maybe your husband wanted to share that with you. Either way, I don't think that you had the reaction that he was expecting.
You don't seem to care for your husband's friend. I get it. But you know what? You dson't get to choose your husband's friends. The same way he doesn't get to choose yours. However, if you feel that your husband is breaking your trust, by sharing you two's personal business on the level that the friend is, tell him not to do it. Point blank. I don't know too many men who want to hear details concerning yeast infections, but your husband should go along with your wishes, and keep your business in your house. If he hasn't agreed to that in the past, he should do so now.
I don't know if any of this contributed to your feeling that you don't feel comfortable around him (again, need details), but an overshare on the friend's part is just bad form, at worst. If you don't want to hear about anything this friend tells your husband, tell him to keep it to himself. It sounds that the best way to keep the peace in your marriage, is to pretend this friend doesn't exist. That's unfortunate, but that seems like how it is.