QUESTION: Dear Chuck & Garland,I am 22 and my boyfriend is 23. We started our relationship out in November of 2011. So it's been a few months now. At first, we spent ALOT of time together we saw each other just about every other day seeing as how he lives walking distance from my house. Lately we haven't been spending much time together and when I ask him he always has something else to do. We are both still enrolled in college so that takes up time too. Neither one of us live on campus. He often uses social networking sites and he is and was very popular with the ladies. He flirts on the Internet and I asked him to stop and he did for awhile but then started back up again. His reasoning was that it's only the Internet and it's not like he's flirting with these girls to their faces. Then he went on to say he doesn't even notice when he's flirting sometimes. I definitely went off in him about the last statement. He will stop flirting and then start again. When he came over one morning I noticed he was texting a lot while sitting right next to me. He picked up his phone one time and I noticed it was a woman's name he was texting. One of the texts said "the thought of you caused it"... That was all I saw. Ever since then my mind has been going insane wondering if he has someone else. Also, just last night I told him I wanted to take him out somewhere and it was my treat for everything and he said he would let me know later. He never got back to me at all. So I told him not to worry about me asking him anywhere ever again because I found out he had been out drinking with his friends. I don't know what to do. I care deeply for him but I feel like I am being taken for granted. Am I wrong for wanting to break up with him?
Signed,
Fed Up
GARLAND:: Hey there, Fed Up - thanks for your question.
Reading your question, it doesn't seem to me that you "don't know what to do." Your boyfriend doesn't sound like an evil person or a bad guy, he just sounds like a young man that is not ready for a real commitment. He's 23 and you're 22... in "relationship ages" he's 19 and you're 26. What I mean by that is - he's a lot younger than you when it comes to the maturity and desire it takes to be in a serious commited relationship.
The fact that he doesn't even realize when he's flirting on social media and he's stupid enough to text-up another woman right in front of you confirms 100% that he is far too juvenile to even bother with. Like I said, he's not evil he's just childish and years and miles away from being ready to be a committed man. Don't feel guity about pounding sand and walking away from this guy. The writing is on the wall and it reads - LEAVE NOW, DON'T LOOK BACK!
Best wishes to you.
CHUCK: Always in the interest of answering the question that is posed: No, you are not wrong for wanting to break up with your boyfriend. Primarily, because it seems that he's already broken up with you. He is not spending time with you, he doesn't return your messages, and he's hitting it off big time with whoever on the text. He's already moved on, but hasn't shown you the common courtesy to say the words.
In the only defense I can come up with for him, he is 23 years old. The vast majority of guys that age lack the emotional maturity to settle down with one woman. Especially when he thinks he has other options elsewhere. And unfortunately, a key component of that immaturity is dishonesty and selfishness. He's investigating his options, but he has no interest in being truthful with you about it. He tells you, "No, I won't text no other women anymore." But he keeps doing it. And claiming not to notice is he's flirting is sufficient fertilizer with which to build a sizable explosive device. Come on.
The ultimate display of disrespect, though, is texting some chick right in your presence. People talk a lot about "the Game," in relationships. The Game is rarely played this shoddy. I'm blowing the whistle on this fool , and sending him to the penalty box.
You're 22. You've got no reason to be wasting your time with this liar. Let his lack of contact with you be the last word on the subject. Garland's all-caps statement above goes double for me. Enjoy your life.
In the only defense I can come up with for him, he is 23 years old. The vast majority of guys that age lack the emotional maturity to settle down with one woman. Especially when he thinks he has other options elsewhere. And unfortunately, a key component of that immaturity is dishonesty and selfishness. He's investigating his options, but he has no interest in being truthful with you about it. He tells you, "No, I won't text no other women anymore." But he keeps doing it. And claiming not to notice is he's flirting is sufficient fertilizer with which to build a sizable explosive device. Come on.
The ultimate display of disrespect, though, is texting some chick right in your presence. People talk a lot about "the Game," in relationships. The Game is rarely played this shoddy. I'm blowing the whistle on this fool , and sending him to the penalty box.
You're 22. You've got no reason to be wasting your time with this liar. Let his lack of contact with you be the last word on the subject. Garland's all-caps statement above goes double for me. Enjoy your life.
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