Child Support (Mild Support)

QUESTION: Why does my ex-boyfriend, my baby's father, lie when I ask him why hasn't he paid child support. His response is "It is being taken out of my check." However, I am not receiving any child support and he doesn't seem concerned it if is being taken out and I'm not receiving it.

GARLAND: Thanks for being our first question! I guess above all, be glad that this guy is your "ex." Any man that doesn't seem to be concerned about his kid's welfare is most likely a SCRUB, so you're better off without him. Some guys get all caught up worrying that the child's mother is spending part his support money on herself. So, to be on the safe side, he just doesn't give her anything. But, if in fact money is coming out of his check and he doesn't care where it goes - that makes him STUPID and PATHETIC. This type of guy doesn't have a clue as to what it takes to be a parent, a man, or a decent human being for that much. Walk the other way when you see him!!! (Maybe even - RUN the other way!)

Don't bother chasing after him on the phone or at his job or at his place - it will only bring out the worst in this dead-beat. If he doesn't care about money out of his check, and he doesn't care about his kid - then you mean less than nothing to him as well. Seeing you face-to-face, trying to explain how wrong he is for not caring and not doing anything will most likely convince him that YOU truly need his money for that big shoe sale next week. Looking into the eyes of the mother of the child he neglects, it's very unlikely that he'll see you buying diapers, and cereal, and Batman pajama's - instead he'll see that he's a bum and loser. He'll get mad, fuss, cuss and run away.

But, there could be one more thing going on here. This guy could have another kid out there. Your child support might be leaving his check, but it might be ending up in another woman's bank account. Either way, he'd probably still care less. You might want to look into this though.

Basically - Just get LEGAL - You need to stop by your local courthouse with your child support order in hand and let them know that you're not receiving the money your child is due! That would be your best move. That - and not stressing over a dead-beat.

CHUCK: Thanks from me too for providing us our first question. I don't possess any personal experience in this area (child support), but I'll take a run at it. First of all, I think I should acquaint you with a principle that arises frequently when couples separate: NOT MY PROBLEM. As in, "I'm moving out of our apartment with three months left on the lease and your name's the only one on it? NOT MY PROBLEM." "Some of your DVDs went missing when you moved out, including your copies of Scarface and Friday? NOT MY PROBLEM." "You didn't get your child support this month? NOT MY PROBLEM."

Parties in former couples take opportunities to score points against their exes by acting aloof and callous all the time. We all tell ourselves when we break up that we're going to act maturely towards the other person. Some of us even mean it. Some, like your ex apparently, don't even try.

I find it amazing that he is so nonchalant about his money not reaching you and his child. I mean, for all he knows, it could be going in the pocket of some corrupt court clerk. If just for selfish reasons, he should want to make sure that his hard-earned money is going where it's supposed to. Assuming he doesn't already know what's up.

Garland's right on in suggesting that you don't want to approach him directly about the child support, at least for now. You've seen the response you've gotten. Your best bet is pursuing your money through the court system, where you'll at least get a fair hearing. He may give you some crap about "going to da White Man on him," but you know what? Don't even dignify it.

But neither one of us has really answered your actual question here, why your ex-boyfriend lies about his non-payment of child support. My answer's simple: He's a dick. Sorry.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I don't know how often this happens, but in my case it turned out that the local prosecutor's office was sitting on the money and not cutting the checks. That prosecutor also lost the next election.

IF your ex-boyfriend has pay stubs showing that the money is being deducted from his check, then one or both of you needs to contact the courts and the prosecutors to find out why you aren't getting the money.

If it were up to me, I would bypass the government bureaucracy and use a shared checking account like this one ( to provide for my children.