Wednesday

Ex Sex?

QUESTION: What do you think about having sex with your ex if neither of you are in a relationship?

GARLAND: Hey, we're all adults here. Right? What's the harm in a little sex with the ex? A little naked game with the old flame? A little night-time joy with the old boy?

Personally, I think it's cool. Dangerous - but cool.

Sex with the ex when both of you are unattached is cool as long as you both agree on the terms and conditions. If you can both do it, walk away from it and still be okay mentally and emotionally - I say - get candles, get honey, get handcuffs, get busy!

But come on, let's be real here. This is somebody you cared about, somebody that cared about you. You've got memories, you've got history, you know each other in and out. Is it really going to be just sex? Maybe 1 out of 5 times it is, but those other 4 times? Be honest - it's going to be hot, up close and personal lovin' with somebody that knows where all your buttons are. Most people can't just walk away from that. Could you?

And then you have the whole man / woman thing. You ladies are wired into your emotions and us guys are wired into our bodies. There's a good chance you both will likely walk away from return sex feeling entirely different. If you're tight enough with your ex to consider sex with him, you're probably better off than most people that have broken up. Do you want to throw that away? Sex has a funny way of messing up stuff like that. So, if you think for a second that either of you can't handle it, walk, run, ski, roller blade, bike or wind surf your way to someplace he's not.

My opinion: There are worse things than sex with the ex. Just make absolutely sure your head is straight and his head is straight... uh, focused... make sure his head is focused. You have to really think long and hard before you commit to something like that. Yeah, yeah - I know 'long and hard' was a poor choice of words...

CHUCK: On the face of it, there's not a thing wrong with you getting together with an ex-boyfriend or husband if you're both unattached. Sex under those circumstances can be hot, fun, stress-relieving, good for the complexion, all that.

HOWEVER... Here's a couple things to consider before you start turning pages in your little black book. First of all, in terms of birth/STD control, treat this guy just like a stranger. You may think, "oh, it's cool, he used to be so clean I could eat off of him." Things may have changed. I know someone who decided to have a little harmless fling with an ex, and, well... they got burnt. Oops.Take nothing for granted in that area.

Secondly, make sure that you're both clear that things are what they are. Unless rekindling your relationship with this guy is something you want to do, get it straight with him that you two are just hitting it off for a night. Trust me, honesty like that from women most guys will appreciate.

Because if you don't get things straight, dude could end up catching feelings. If those feelings aren't reciprocated, and he's just that kind of crazy, stalking brother, prepare yourself for a voice mail full of hang-ups and cut-up doll parts on your front step. You've all seen the movies. Of course, you can establish your boundaries, and the guy may still get clingy. But look at the bright side: You're just that damn good.

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