Saturday

Those Who Can, Do... Those Who Can't, Counsel?


QUESTION: I met this guy on the net a little over two weeks ago. Good looking, but more important, a profile that I could have written.

We talk for a week and it's all good. He appears to be the "whole package". Pretty much everything I like in a man and it seems like we "click". Much more so than any guy I've talked with so far.


Anyway....I wanted to see if there was any chemistry, and if he had put up a accurate pic. Me being the visual creature I am, and an internet dating vet for over a year, understand that pics can't compare to face to face. I want to test the 3-5 rule. So I suggested a meeting. Public place of course.

Never really got a yes or no...bottom line it hasn't happened yet.

We continue to talk and he has told me he is physically attracted to my pics (yes I sent him a few more) and my mind, but still no meet.

A few nights ago I asked him if he was indeed, as his profile said, ready to be in/looking for a relationship. He said yes. The next night during a brief conversation, I asked if he was "keeping his options open" (dating other prospects) and he said that he didn't think he was ready to date yet. That statement, when taken with what he had said in his profile, and during our conversations, set off all kinds of bells and whistles.

Here's the kicker...he IS a relationship counselor! LMAO!!!

I don't want to rush him but damn. I don't want to waste his time or mine. For me, face to face tells me most of what I need to know in terms of taking it a step further. If the chemistry is not there for both of us, thank you very much and I wish you much success and happiness. Simple.
I've dated many men from the net. Or should I say I've had many first dates. Not too many seconds. Most guys appreciate it if I don't waste their time and am honest up front. I dislike games. If it ain't there, it ain't there.

This guy intrigues me but this whole relutance to meet is getting a bit tiresome. He keeps "dancing" around it.
There are many fish in the sea. Some even ready to jump into my boat..no rod or net! Not sure how much more time I want to spend on this one if he is not really showing any interest in even getting near my hull, but just wants to sing to me from the water.

So tell me...am I being too impatient? Or is it time to pass this one by?

P.S. there is an event in a few weeks that he will be attending. I just received an invitation to the same event today, but have not told him yet or even decided if I'm going. I don't want to look like "stalker chick" but my curiosity is almost getting the best of me now.

CHUCK: Simply put: Pass this one by. I love it: A relationship counselor who can't resolve to meet someone he apparently likes to communicate with, and has seen, and doesn't think is a gargoyle. WTH?

There are some possibilities. He could be self-conscious about his looks, and fear rejection. He could, as a relationship counselor, have heard and seen too much bad stuff, and become gunshy himself in terms of starting a relationship. Or he could just be one of those people who is witty on the text, engaging on the phone, but a drip in person.

Or he could be playing hard to get, realizing that the reluctant suitors can frequently seem more fascinating than the eager ones.

Either way, it sounds as though you're tired of games, so don't play them anymore. Stop asking him to a physical meeting. I'm not suggesting that you stop being this man's friend, because his reason may be legitimate. But just in case it is not, stop chasing him fo a while. See if his attitude changes any then. Thanks for the question.

GARLAND: Thanks for your question! Uh... let this one go. Please.

Chuck gave this post the perfect title. Dating this guy is probably a lot like working for a company where the most unlikely people rise to management positions. They can't do the job, but they have somehow managed to stumble into a position where they are in charge of people who can. This dude gives relationship advice and yet can't seem to get into one himself.

Let me look at that last line - "yet can't seem to get into one himself."

Hmmm, that may or may not be correct now that I think about it. This fellow might NOT be able to commit or start a relationship - then again - maybe he can and he is just choosing not to get into one with you. Maybe you are too much for him and you'd see right through the lame parts of his game; Maybe he wants to pretend to get involved with someone - there are some people out there that love 'the hunt' but hate 'the kill'.

Frankly, it could be any number of reasons why he's acting like a lame duck. But my advice, just like Chuck's - let this poser go. He's playing games or he's scared out of his mind, either way - you can find bigger and tastier fish to fry.

Best wishes to your quest-

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