You Look Like You Need A Hug

QUESTION: Ok love the blog. So, I am new at my school and I noticed this guy was staring at me at certain times, and trying to get my attention by giving me high fives. I really didn't pay attention to him until he helped me out in one of classes together. I am not very good at that class and I guess it was obvious enough for him to notice.

Then I went to a school party and when I came in he stared at me. I ignored it and starting hanging with my friends, he invited himself in the conversation by asking us to dance with him. So we did, and he was trying to impress us by attracting attention to himself. He finally talked to me alone asking if I was having a good time. We had a very successful introduction, I thought. Then at school the next day, he was being a little flirty with me, by touching my hands. That day he hugged me goodbye, which through me off cause I didn't think we were at that point in relationship, but I liked it.
To me it was obvious that he wantedto get to know me, he stood by me in a conversation, during class and sort of joked around with me. Let me add that I am not an easy person to get to know. I began to like this guy during one of our school trips, which he told me a iwas gorgeous and I noticed he would also stare at me when he was telling a group something. Like as if he were only telling it to me. At one point he even said I was one if his favorite people. It was also on this trip I discovered that he was a bit of a ladies man by hugging girls, telling them they were pretty and all that.

Then I won an award for something on this trip and he was very excited for me, making a big scene, when they called my name. He hugged me about 5 times after that telling me good job. The next day he said less to me but did say one nice thing that I can't remember. Anyways on our way back from the trip we all stopped to get some food , there he hugged me when I came in. And after everyone ate he huggedall the girls, but i think he was eyeballing me. Then he gave me a longish intimate hug while saying "this is nice, this is so nice". Then we parted ways and I texted him asking a question, then it started conversation that lasted from Friday night to saturday night, including sleep. It wasn't a big conversation cause he seemed to reply with little words, Lols, and smiley faces. I got to know him better. During our texts I would ask him if I was wasting his time and idbhe wanted me to stop and he said no. Also I he would say "I'll have to tell u about it sometime", or "you'll have to tell me about it sometime" with smiley faces. I finally thought the conversation was going on too long and that he should do the pursuing. So we said our ttyls lol. Sorry this is so long and might not make sense. Anyways after that weekend I saw him at school, he hugged me in the morning and ignored me for the rest of the day except for one "sup" exchange and then hugged megoodbye twice. I think we exchanged some awkward conversation. Lol I used conversation a bit too much. Ok so if this makes any sense, please tell me what is in his head?! And everything u think about this!!! Please!!! I think I screwed this up bad :(

GARLAND: Hey - Thanks for your question.

I guess first, in my opinion, you didn't screw anything up. He probably likes you and it's nothing wrong with wanting him to show you some real interest. He sounds like a big squishy kid to me, so that's why all you got was a "sup."

The thing that sort of makes me shake my head a bit is just the silliness that young guys pull on you ladies now and so many of you accept it and even like it. Don't get me wrong - he's probably a nice guy - but his Game, like a lot of guys in their 20's, is real real weak. The endless staring, the buddy-buddy hugs, the wimpy text messages full of LOL's, 2BZ4UQT's, 2G2BT's, 4EAE's, BBIAF's, and smiley faces - Where is The Substance? Where is The Man really sitting down with you and TELLING you how he feels? Why is he hiding behind emptychildish stares and his iPhone texting you like a timid little boy?

Part of me thinks you young ladies let these young guys get away with way too much wimpy bullcrap. A Manly Man shouldn't spend his time shyly staring across a room at you, he shouldn't hug you a dozen times like you two just won the Superbowl. I wish he would butch-up a little and take you out to dinner, look you in you eyes and talk to you - dare I say, "Rap to you." A Smooth Guy should be able to deliver the goods without treating you like his cousin and without sitting on his homeboy's sofa, playing Madden '10 and texting you between downs. If you are looking for some potential dating from this guy - aren't you going to want a man that can communicate maturely?

Hey, I'm not knocking you, and believe it or not I'm not TOTALLY knocking him - I just think you wouldn't have any doubt or confusion if this guy's Game was tighter and he was lot braver. Hold your ground, don't sweat him - he may come back around, or - you may get lucky and have a grown up ask you out to dinner.

Best wishes -

CHUCK: First of all. let me also assure you that you haven't done anything wrong. The fault lies completely with HuggMaster. This guy has got your attention, he has spoken to you, breached your personal space with endless hugs, but where is the follow-through?

I'm not going to go along with Garland and the Manly Man discussions. He may not be a Manly Man. There's nothing wrong with that. However, after this guy has broke his neck staring at you across rooms, flirting and flattering, getting you to let him hug you. You say you're not easy to get to know, so this probably wasn't easy. But him to fail to make an effort to advance the relationship... It's a little like bait and switch.

I could run down the customary list of why a guy doesn't pursue a woman ardently enough (i.e., he's got a girlfriend, he's gay, etc.), but I don't really think they apply here. I think you just have someone here who's really weak in the follow-through. I believe that Garland and I have been telling women for years that it's all right for them to make the first move. But how about the second, the third, the twenty-first move? I'm not going to go on a rant about how cell phones, IMs, and texting is killing romance. But I do see them as encouraging distance rather than intimacy, and some people get too used to using them as a crutch.

Your next move is probably dependent on just how you feel about this man. I think it's obvious that he's gotten inside your head. But do you see yourself in a closer relationship with him? Especially since you may have to lead him by the hand every now and then. You can wait for him to get himself together and ask you out. Or you can ask him if he wants to get some coffee after class sometime. Hopefully, he won't faint right there on the spot. Either way, you need to just cut to the chase. Thanks for the question.


Anonymous said...

This texting nonsense is a bane in my side. I HATE IT. Talk to the woman already.

Even grown men are weak in follow throughs. I'm a 33 year old female, and the last guy I encountered was older than me (he looked it and he wouldn't give his age. Yes, what a wankster)

It was an Olympic triathlon to get a first date out of him. Always something going on, and he even stood me up. I let him HAVE it. My tolerance is low for nonsense. How dare he stand me up? It's bad enough he couldn't fudge a little time for me, and then when we're set for one I get stood up. All this nonsense before a FIRST date. I let him talk to my voicemail when he calls. Now he wants to make it up to me. Too late for that, I'm turned off. Duh!??

I swear real men are a dead breed.

Chuck and Garland said...

Good for you!

Don't let a guy get away with lame behavior! Let us know that we've done something stupid by letting the voicemail do the talking or just not giving him the time of day.


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