Hello Gentlemen, Your honesty is quite refreshing and I'm hoping that you can give me some insight on a "situation".
QUESTION: My friendship with a guy has evolved from classmates to something deeper. During the last year we've been able to visit each other and talk on intimate details - family, goals, past relationships, etc. When we were out with mutual friends a little while back he shared that he loved me and kept repeating it. I took it at face value and thank'd him. Slightly intoxicated, I didn't reciprocate it. Since that day he has sought to learn everything there is to know about me and uses the term best friend. We talk very often, 3-5 times a week, which is quite high in comparison to my other male friends. The conversations are always mutually initiated - I truly consider him to be a kindred spirit and a stand up guy.
My concern or question is whether or not his actions are saying he's interested in being more than friends? At one time he asked if I every thought about "us" and I dodged the question. Why? I didn't want my single, in heat hormones to take all of his good traits and create a potential new man to pursue. I adore his friendship and don't want to loose that - what are your thoughts?
GARLAND: Sounds oddly positive to me.
I think Chuck and I see so many bad scenarios on our blog, that a real positive situation is amazingly refreshing!
Okay, maybe your buddy was a little buzzed when he repeatedly proclaimed his love for you. But this may have very well be a case of a "drunk tongue speaking a sober mind." Meaning while his mental guard was down he spoke the truth.
I like the fact that you BOTH call each other, and not just you - you - you - you calling all the time. The fact that he calls you his Best Friend and seems to want to know more and more about you seems... well... great.
My only advice to you is, go slowly, there's no need to run and trip yourself up. But I think you should talk to him - preferrably face-to-face, alone - NONE of your friends around, and in a pretty relaxed place. Personally, I'm a sucker for a good park-bench chat. Just feel him out; tell him that you've taken note of the things he's been saying and ask him to just let you know what is what. Are you just a great pal to him, or is he looking for a deeper connection to you?
Good luck to you! Please drop us a line and let us know how things work out!
CHUCK: Oddly positive, indeed. Sometimes, we can be so cautious and jaded about relationships that we can't take yes for an answer. Because that appears to be what you've got here. You're right to be a little suspicious about your friend's original (drunken) admission of his affection for you. But I've got a saying for that set of circumstances, just like Garland does: In Vino Veritas. Literally, "In Wine, Comes Truth." So take that, Mel Gibson. He may have been harboring these feelings for years, and needed the booze to get the courage to speak them.
Another reason to feel encouraged is, since that first incident, he hasn't backed off. A lot of guys, especially when faced with the less-than-enthusiastic response that you gave him, would avoid you out of embarassment. But he has been contacting you on a regular basis, continuing to let you know his feelings are genuine.
What's wrong with this picture? I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say, "Not a damn thing." You may find yourself reluctant to start a relationship with a friend, because you mayloseafriendandblahblahblah. SCREW THAT NOISE. Take a chance. I said the same thing with women I knew years ago, taking the so-called high road. But you know what? Most of them, I'm not even friends with anymore, anyway.
I've probably said this before, but I was friends with my wife for two years before we dated. And because we already knew each other, a lot of the time you spend feeling each other out in a relationship was cut down. Give yourselves a chance and think positively. Garland and I are pulling for you.
