Flesh for Fantasy

QUESTION: Do you guys ever compare the women in your life to images you see in the media or perhaps to other women that you might see or meet in public?

This is something I'd like to know.

Sure, I can recognize handsome men when I see them, but I don't compare them to my boyfriend like, "oh I wish he had biceps like that" or anything.

Do you men compare women?

Curious.

Thanks!

CHUCK: So, anyway, the other Saturday, I was watching that Live Earth concert, and Alicia Keys was onstage. And for such a hot day, she had chosen to glam it up. She had a form-fitting burgundy mini-dress on, with some high-heeled pumps. And after observing how thick she was in the legs and thighs, I thought how cool it was that she hasn't taken to heart all that body-image crap that famous women fall prey to. And then I thought, she's doing a pretty nice version of Marvin Gaye's "Mercy Me." Then I thought, "She's sweating a little now. Interesting how it's collecting a little between her breasts." And so on...

Anyway, the point of that recollection is, mentally, I'm all over the place. I don't know about Garland, but that's me. My mind wanders a whole lot. And when it wanders onto women other than my wife, I tend to keep her out of it. That woman is my partner, my lover, the mother of my children. I have too much respect for her to involve her in any errant daydreams that I might have featuring Rosario Dawson, Vida Guerra, or the random Hip Hop Honey.

Basically, although I may might wish my wife was in the shape she was in five years ago (she'd probably say the same thing about me), I don't find myself making any Frankenstein combinations featuring her and any girls from Show magazine. I mean, fantasy's cool and all, but I've gotta live in the real world.

GARLAND: I'm a people watcher... and I love women. So, to me - I think I would have never been able to keep a girlfriend or get [and keep] a wife if I constantly wished they had Janet's abs, Alicia's eyes, Beyonce's smile, or Serena's ANYTHING. I would have never been happy and would have eventually gone crazy.

But that's me.

Some guys probably do look at famous women or women they see on the street and wish their ladies had this or that. Frankly, I think that's a little juvenile and stupid. Like Chuck, I live in the real world.

To me, I love the sexy legs and beautiful bodies of many of these celebrity women in the media today. I do! But, I'm a realist, and that is as far as the attractions go. I need far more in a woman than just a pretty face or a hot body, I need brains, integrity, a sense of humor, a sense of purpose, ambition and everything else that makes a woman special. It would be an insult to the women in my past and the Woman in present to wish them to be anyone or anything other than who they are. Shame on any guy that would.

Tired, or Just Confused?

QUESTION: Hi Chuck, Garland. Have you heard of this website called, Tired Black Man (http://www.tiredblackman.com/). It will be out in the theatres soon. The owner of the site is suggesting that a white woman is their best option in finding a loving, stable relationship, blah, blah blah. Please give me your take on that site and explain to me why would a brotha would believe there isn't a good sistah out there who can also provide a loving, stable relationship with them?

CHUCK: Having taken a cursory look at the site, let me tell some of you what it's about. This is a site to promote a movie by some guy named Tim Alexander. The title of the movie is Diary of a Tired Black Man, and as far as I can determine, it seems to be an independent movie opening in '07 about a Black man who has grown tired of of dealing with "angry Black women," and is seeking another alternative. From the tone of the material, I think it's supposed to be a comedy. Hmmm.

This dude is, of course, fully within his rights to make a movie about this subject. Lord knows, there are plenty of other people making money depicting and commenting on the supposed rift between Black men and women. Not me and Garland, though. NOBODY'S PAYING US.

There's always money in controversy, and Alexander's obviously courting it. The Washington Post Sunday Outlook piece will almost write itself. I find some things about his point of view faulty, though. Are Black women angry? Sometimes I don't think they're angry enough. Black men often treat them like marks for their sexual con games. Hip hop culture totally treats them as objects, to be lusted after and despised. They are either misrepresented or under-represented in the mainstream media. Where's the Black feminist screeds? The marching in the streets?

What some Black women are, that I think this guy misreads, is jaded. By a certain age (around 30), they've heard and seen and had so much bullshit perpetrated on them that they can be resistant to an approach from a guy with no agenda. And they get mistaken for angry. Also, there is a disturbing contingent of women who, almost deliberately, make the wrong choices in men. You know who you are. We've gotten your questions.

A brotha would come to believe that there isn't a good sistah out there for him the same way a lot of women feel there isn't a guy for them. It's rough out there. But it's not hopeless, folks. Just stop freakin' generalizing about the opposite sex so much. As for this guy's movie, based on the site, I don't know if it's for me. Check it out for yourself. Let us know what you think. As for movies, see Dreamgirls. Or Children of Men.

GARLAND: Judging from this trailer, I agree with Chuck that this guy Tim Alexander is trying to cash in on his independently filmed, self generated contraversy. He's at the start of his 15 seconds of fame and he's gonna' ride it for all it's worth. Actually, he may not even believe what he is trying to sell. Almost like George Lucas most likely doesn't believe in Darth Vader or Luke Skywalker - they just put money in his pocket.

But let me look deeper at this for a second. I think Alexander is going hard and heavy for the obvious hype and anger this film is going to generate. He's calling Black women out on false charges and on charges that are going to get his film and his name some serious attention.

I think he is sadly selling Black women down the river on this one, though. And that angers me. But, you know what - the attention [in my opinion] shouldn't be focused on this man and this movie that will leave theaters and go straight to DVD so quick your head will spin. The attention to the degradation of The Black Woman should be focused on the thousands of hip hop vidoes that have been [and will be] made presenting and displaying Black women as mindless half-naked play-toys. To me, this guy, Alexander, is a meaningless, simpleminded, disloyal fellow that will be off most peoples radar before the days start getting long again. The real villians are the video producers that create hours and hours and hours of music videos seen all day, everyday by thousands of young, horny, [and often narrow-minded] young males. These guys see these beautiful Black women falling all over people like 50 Cent, Snoop Dogg, The Game, R. Kelly and others and they start to believe that this is all Sista's are good for. Being wet, being half naked, and bouncing around like sex-starved robots.

But uh, I digress.

I think this movie is going to be far less than people think. It may be a comedy like Chuck said, but when its all said and done - nobody will remember this movie six months after its released. 7 of Tim Alexander's 15 seconds of fame are ALREADY gone.