Kinda Girl You Take Home to Mama

QUESTION: I've been going out with a man named Benton for almost three months now. We've spent a lot of time together over the last 14/15 weeks including weekends and nights at one anothers homes. He's a good man and I think I love him. My only problem is that he won't take me home to meet his mother. She lives less than an hour away in Decatur, GA and he visits her and his father a couple of times a month but he never takes me. When I ask him to take me to meet her, he never gives a clear answer and sort of says, "one day." What's up with that?

GARLAND: I've been in the same spot as your man Benton before, so I'm going to speak from first hand experience... I'm willing to bet that Chuck has been down this road too.

Let me ask you a question before I give you my answer.
"Are you dating Benton OR his mother?"
(I'll wait while you think about that one. la la la la... doo doo doo... la la la la... whistle, wistle...)

Gee, sorry about the sarcasm I just put out - I'm not sure where that came from.

But, my answer is this - don't make a big deal out of this. Three months is nice but all guys don't run women home to meet Mama right away. In man terms "right away" may mean five or six or more months!!! So, be patient!

If you've checked old Benton out, and he's not hiding a WIFE or some unclaimed KIDS and he's not smuggling guns and herion out of Nicaragua... chances are he's okay and YOU'RE okay, even though you haven't met The Mom.

When I was single and dating I very rarely took women home to meet mom unless I knew that there was truly a long term commitment going on, and three months of dating was usually just a drop in the dating timeline bucket. The reason being, for me was twofold:

• FIRST - I didn't want my mom to think that I was some unstable gigalo that had to date a different woman every other week. And I didn't want to have a whole lot of different women coming in and out of her [and dad's] house everytime she turned around.
• SECOND - And this ties in a little to the first reason, Growing up I saw my older male cousins bringing different women home to meet our grandmother. My cousins were cool dudes and dating different young ladies came with ease, but after seeing my grandmother greet one young lady by saying something like, "Hello Brenda, uh Lisa, uh Crystal. I'm sorry I got your name mixed up." I realized that sometimes, older folks might get you in trouble and you might get them confused!

So, from my personal perspective - be patient. Chances are he's not hiding you from his mom, he's just waiting for the right moment for him. And another thing - she might just be one of these "MARRYING MOMS" where, as soon as you walk thru the door, she's trying to help you pick out china patterns for your reception and dress colors for your bridesmaids!

Just remember, you're dating him - not his mother!

Chuck: Um... ditto.

My brother used to bring his girlfriends around our mother constantly. Our mother, being who she was, would welcome these women in, make friends with some of them, then be left feeling uncomfortable when he broke up with them and she still wanted to have them over at family functions. And there's my brother with his new girlfriend. Forget that. In my adult years, I intentionally introduced my mother to exactly two of my girlfriends. One I dated for five years. The other I married.

I think you may be hung up on the idea that you feel as though you're the kind of woman that his mother should approve of, but he hasn't given you the opportunity to prove it yet. Well, you don't know, so his mom might be a demanding shrew who chews up girlfriends and spits them out. He may be protecting you.

Ultimately, you two haven't been dating all that long. It hasn't even been three months yet. Give him some time. You'll meet her soon enough.